Right Out of a Hat
by Crimsondansen
Summary: On permanent hiatus.
1. Tsunade's Stupid Decision

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this storie's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

On with the story!

**Chpt 1: Tsunade's Stupid Decision**

The swaying form of the fifth Hokage was barely being restrained by the six people behind her. In her left hand was a sake bottle, in her right was an unfurled scroll.

"Tsunade-sama! This is not a good idea!" Shizune cried, trying to get the scroll Tsunade held above her head.

"(Hic!) Of course it's a gud idea Shizune…" She said, quite obviously drunk beyond all reason. "I think it's (Hic!) about time these guys grow up anyhoo…" She bit her thumb and smeared blood across the open parchment.

"**But, what will this do to the timeline?"** Shizune yelled, making one of those weird faces that she always makes.

"**STOP YELLING SHIZUNE!"** She yelled back twice as loudly. "Ah screw that stoopid timeline. It don't matter anyways." Tsunade did a sloppy handseal and pressed her hand into the scroll. A bright light flashed, and flooded the room. From the scroll, three shadows emerged, taking human form.

"Shizune..." Tsunade said, half falling over. "Escort these nice people to my office purlease..." Shizune's face was mixed with fear and exasperation. _I can't believe this is happening..._ Shizune thought, slapping her face. "Now Shizune..." Tsunade commanded, taking a swig of sake. Shizune squeaked and ran off, the other three tailing behind her.

…………………………

"Ne? Why do you think obaa-chan wants all of us?" Naruto asked Sakura. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was cramped inside Tsunade's office. Everyone includes; Team Gai, Team Asuma, Team Kurenai, Team Kakashi, Ayame from Ichiraku Ramen, some random ANBU scout who looked awfully young to be at ANBU level, and last but not least, the Sand siblings.

"I dunno, but she better hurry up. It's getting hot in here." Sakura said, tugging at her collar. Shizune slammed open the door, and tugged a drunken, yet still concious, Tsunade into the room.

"Alright everybody! Tsunade-sama has done an incredibly stupid thing..."

**"IT'S NOT STUPID SHIZUNE!"** Tsunade interupted. "It's absoutely brilliant!" She said, waving her arms like a chicken for no real reason. "Hey, you three! (Hic!) Get in here!" Three people walked into the room, each wearing a blueish metal band around their left arm. Everyone in the room started yelling all at once.

**"WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?"**

**"I THOUGHT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"**

**"IF THEY'RE HERE, WE'RE THE ONES WHO ARE GOING TO DIE!"**

**"TSUNADE-SAMA! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"** Tsunade raised her arms for silence, still hiccuping.

"Now now, I know what you're all thinking. Why are (Hic!) Haku, Tayuya, and Kin here..."

**"THE HELL WE ARE!" **Everyone yelled at once. **"THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"**

"Well, there have to be enough girls as there are boys! So, I (Hic!) went back in time and brought them here!" Everyone stood still.

"You did what? You went and screwed up the timeline? I can't believe this..." Sasuke said, rubbing his forehead. _(A.N: Yes he's back, and he's a good person again.)_

"Oh my God...does that mean Zabuza could be alive again?" Naruto said in disbelief.

…………………………

**In the Country of the Waves**

Zabuza crawled to his feet, breathing as if he had just run several marathons in a row. Where was he? Images came back floating through his head. He was on the bridge. Haku was dead. Kakashi and his brats killed her. He himself had died, but now, he was alive again! The Gods had given him another chance to prove himself, to take his revenge. He flexed his muscles, getting ready for the mission he was about to undertake. He took one step, and a truck came barreling down the bridge, squishing Zabuza flatter than a sheet of paper. Well, the Naruto Bridge is a very busy bridge. Guess we don't have to worry about Zabuza anymore now do we?

…………………………

"Now, you probably all think I've gone crazy, bud I haven't!" Tsunade cried triuphently. "Dey all have to wear that band around their arm, restricting them from usin any jutsu or evil stuff like dat..." Tsunade took another gulp from her sake bottle.

"Damn piece of shit..." Tayuya muttered, trying to rip the band off her arm.

"Now! For the coup de (Hic!)grace!" Tsunade took out two hats, eachwith tiny slips of paper inside. "Ish there a volunteer to pull out one from each hat?"

"Will you just tell us what is going on first? And keep it short, some of us have places to be you know..." The ANBU scout called out from the back of the room.

"I didn't tell you guys yet?"

**"NO!" **They all yelled.

"Oh. Well, I'm going to send you all away on vacation on a tropical island," At this everyone cheered. "along with one person. You will have to live with that certain person for several weeks. Maybe even months if I feel like it! Now, if you're a girl, you will be paired up with a boy, and if you're a boy, you will be paired off wif a girl." Tsunade started laughing hysterically. "Dat is, unless you're gay! **Hahah! Get it? GAY! **Oh I crack meself up..."

Everyone was stunned. Whatever the Hokage was thinking, it apparently wasn't much.

"Uh... May I ask, why?" Someone said.

"Cause without love, life is meaningless. And also cause I said so..." Tsunade said, looking very dangerous indeed with her half empty sake bottle in hand.

"Geez! She is so wasted!" Naruto whispered to Sakura.

"Now, here's da bestest part..."

"Uh, bestest isn't a word..." Shizune said, raising a hand up.

"Well, it is now." Tsunade retorted, sounding like a little kid. "Anyways, the bestest part, is that, nobody has any idea on who is going with who! We will only know, once we pull out dese slips of paper!"

"You don't mean us too, do you?" Haku asked.

"Yes I do mean you all too!"

"God, I'd have rather died than be saved and brought back here for a friggin date!" Kin groaned.

"You can't be meaning us two as well, can you?" Ayame and the ANBU said together.

"Geez, didn't I explain this already? Der has to be an equal amount of girls and boys!" Ayame and the ANBU looked rather disgusted.

"Hokage-sama! We aren't even from Konoha, we're from Sand! You have no control over us!" Temari said triumphantly.

"Oh yes I do." Temari's smile was immediately replaced by a grimace. "Your Kazekage has already given his word that you will all stay for the entire mission." Temari turned around to her little brother with a look that could kill.

"What?" Gaara said, looking just a little bit scared. "Well, it sounded like the mission was really urgent in the message! I didn't know it was going to be a stupid match making game! Honestly!"

"(Hic!) Now! Who's gonna pull the slips?" Tsunade said, holding up the hats again.

…………………………

Yey! I decided to take a tiny break from Snake Lords because for some odd reason, it's making my brain hurt. Now let me tell you, the pairings will actually be picked out of a hat by none other than me! So, if you have any ideas for pairings, you have two options to choose from: 1, Wait and see how things turn out in the story. 2, Don't say anything at all, because it's just plain chance people. Besides, it's supposed to be a comedy!


	2. Two Hats, Endless Possibilities

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

Iloveinuyasha44: I know Haku is really a boy. It's just that in this story, Haku's a girl now. As I say above, for the sake of the story's plotline, Haku is a girl.

Haku: I'm not a girl! I don't want to be!

Gohan209: Too bad! You're already one! (sticks out tongue)

Haku: (gives Gohan209 the middle finger)

Gohan209: Why you little son of a… (beats the pulp out of Haku)

On with the story!

**Chpt 2: Two Hats, Endless Possibilities**

…………………………

"(Hic!) Now! Who's gonna pull the slips?" Tsunade said, holding up the hats again.

…………………………

"Oh! May I pull them?" Kakashi came out of nowhere, his right eye turned up in one of those cute little arches.

"**NO! I WILL DECIDE THE YOUTHFUL FATES OF THESE, uh… YOUTHES!"** Gai also came out of nowhere, holding his hands over his eyes like goggles. Why he was, no one knew because nobody had the courage to ask.

"(Hic!) How bout yous both pick? One to each (Hic!) hat!" They both cheered and stationed themselves, hand readily held above the hats. "On yur mark, get set, (Hic!) **GO!"**

They each dug their hands into the hats, shuffling around the many papers in them. Gai was the first to pull his hand out.

"**I GOT KIBA!"** He exclaimed. Kiba was nervously biting his fingers, expecting the worst. Then Kakashi pulled out a slip. He started giggling. That giggling turned into a roaring laugh.

"I-It's Te…" Kiba and Temari screamed.

"**I'M NOT GOING WITH DOG BOY!"** Temari yelled. Kakashi wiped away a tear from his eye that had formed while he was laughing.

"It's not Temari, it's Ten-ten!" This time, Ten-ten was the one who screamed. A man passing by the building heard this ear-piercing shriek and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed, 1-800-588-2300-ANBU into the pad. _(A.N: You know, like that Empire commercial?)_

"ANBU HQ. How may we help you?" Said the operator.

"Hello! I have reason to believe that someone has just been murdered at the Hokage's building!" He gasped into the phone.

"Oh no! We'll send several operatives over right away!" Now, back to the Hokage's office. Gai and Kakashi had drawn two more slips and were laughing again.

"**THE LUCKY COUPLE ARE,"** they paused for a dramatic effect. **"NEJI AND TEMARI!"** Temari screamed again.

"Make that two people murdered!" The man outside spoke into his phone.

"Dear Lord! I'm going to send over three squads on the double!" The operator sounded panicky.

Naruto poked Neji in the back, and he fell over, landing with a smack.

"**OHMIGOD! NEJI HAD A HEART ATTACK!"** Nine ANBU scouts burst in through the door.

"**AHHH! YOU KILLED NEJI-SAMA!"** They all screamed at once.

"No, he's alright." The ANBU scout who was sulking in the corner said. "He's just in shock. Just pour some cold water over him."

"Nina! Why weren't you at the meeting today?"

"For obvious reasons…" She muttered.

"Which would be...?" She sighed and turned around. She lifted a hand to her face, and lifted the ANBU mask off of her face. All the boys in the room stood still, mesmerized by her features. She was no older than 13 or 14, and her eyes were a pale, icy blue. She had chocolate brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, except for one long strand of hair hanging down across her face that turned gold halfway down. She walked over to the ANBU who had asked and whispered something in his ear.

"Oh, she's drunk again?" She nodded. The scout took her mask and put his hand on her shoulder sympathetically. "Best of luck to you Nina. I'll put this away for you." He said, taking the mask from her hands.

"Thanks." Nina turned around, giving an annoyed look to all the boys. "What are you lookin at?"

"Yur really purty…" Naruto said with a goofy look on his face. That was a mistake. Before you could twitch an eye, Naruto was pinned to the wall with a variety of weapons that came out of nowhere.

"You say that again, and I **will** gut you." She said, a malicious look in her eyes. Naruto nodded nervously. "Good!" She sat down huffily on the couch, letting Naruto hang there.

"Da next two (Hic!) are," Tsunade read from the slips held by Kakashi and Gai. "Kankurou and Ino…" Tsunade took several more swigs of sake amid the stares and open mouths of the crowd.

"**I don't like boys who wear make-up!"** Ino yelled.

"**Well I don't like dating pigs! And it's not make-up, it's kabuki paint!"** Kankurou yelled back.

"**IT'S MAKE-UP!"**

"**IT'S KABUKI PAINT!"**

"It's (Hic!) Lee and Haku!"

"**WHAT?"** Lee and Haku yelled.

"Gai-sensei, do I have to do this?" Lee groaned.

"**YES YOU DO!"** For once, Lee thought Gai-sensei was being very, 'uncool'.

"What happened?" Neji got up, rubbing his head.

"Well, Kiba's going with Ten-ten, Kankurou is going with Ino, you are going with Temari, and Lee is now going with Haku." Hinata counted off.

"Hee hee… Lee, Haku… **hahaHAHA!"** Right then and there, Neji went cookoo for Cocoa Puffs. Poor Haku was sitting in a daze on the floor, muttering things about having to go with a guy who was a heck of a lot faster than her. Way not fair for her.

"Oh Gai! Guess who I got?" Kakashi giggled.

"**WHO?"**

"Kin!"

"**WHAT A COINCIDENCE! I GOT SHINO!"** Nothing but silence hung in the room.

"o.0'…" Shino said.

"0.o'…" Kin said.

"Aw… (Hic!) Dey're bonding!" Tsunade said, clasping her hands together.

"**THE NEXT TWO ARE,"** Gai and Kakashi pulled their hands out.

"Can we have a drum roll please?" Kakashi asked. A drum rolled from one side of the room to the other and disappeared. "Nina and…"

"**SASUKE! HOW CUTE YOU TWO WILL LOOK!"** Now, Gai was pinned to the wall next to Naruto. **"HEY! THIS ISN'T VERY COMFORTABLE!"**

"Yeah. Tell me about it…" Naruto sighed.

"Listen." Nina stuck her face in Gai's. "I'm playing along with this, but only because if I don't, then Tsunade-sama will drop me from my ANBU ranking. I have worked very hard to get where I am now, and I'm not going to lose it anytime soon. So don't say that again."

"**MY NINA! I HAVE ONLY KNOW YOU FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES, AND I HAVE TO SAY, MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU IS THAT YOU'RE VERY VIOLENT!"** Gai said, with a little fear in his eyes.

"Oh, you're right about that. I can be **very** violent. If you stay on my good side, you might not have to experience it." Neji came hopping up next to her, still babbling like a madman.

"Dear sir, do you have any Cocoa Puffs?" Lightning struck in the background, and Nina turned around, a vein in her forehead twitching.

"Were you even listening to a single thing I said?"

"Oh…" Neji made a sad face. "No Cocoa Puffs?" His bottom lip quivered.

"No Hyuuga. There aren't any damn Cocoa Puffs." Her fist clenched at her side. "May I have some alone time with Hyuuga here?"

"No Nina. You (Hic!) can't. You're paired up with Sasuke, not Neji." Tsunade said, almost losing her balance.

"That's not what I meant Hokage-sama. I mean can I teach him a lesson? Maybe a few good whacks to the head might put him straight."

"Alright. Jes don't get too (Hic!) violent…" Nina smiled a fake smile.

"Thank you." She dragged Neji out the door by the collar of his shirt. Ten-ten rushed out after them, but stopped as she looked out the doorway.

"Oh!" Ten-ten cringed. She carefully shut the door and looked at everyone. "You don't wanna know."

"Oh! I wanna know!" Naruto cried out. Ten-ten came over and leaned in close.

"She helped Neji find his Cocoa Puffs." She whispered.

"You mean," Naruto gulped. "The f-family jewels?" Ten-ten nodded. "Oh ow…" Naruto groaned. Sasuke, who had been listening in on their conversation, blanched at what he heard. He would have to spend almost a month with that maniac, and he was not happy.

"The next couple are, Chouji," Kakashi said theatrically.

"**AND TAYUYA! To be honest, I didn't expect that to happen!"** Gai shrugged his shoulders.

"No… not a fatass!" Tayuya complained. Luckily, Chouji was too busy eating to hear her say the taboo word.

"I got Hinata. How bout you Gai?" Kakashi asked, staring down at his slip of paper.

"**I GOT SHIKAMARU!"**

"Um… ok." Kakashi pushed Shikamaru and Hinata together. "Have fun you two!"

"Uh, h-hi?" Hinata said, sounding somewhat unsure.

"Yeah same here." Shikamaru said, trying to peer out the window at the clouds._ (A.N: Gee… Is it just me, or is that a really boring pairing? I'm gonna have to spice things up a bit to make them at least **somewhat** interesting.)_

There were only four people left. Naruto was hanging off the wall in anticipation. _(A.N: It's not like he can do anything else at the moment.)_ Sakura was thinking about how she wasn't going to be with Sasuke. Ayame was a bit freaked out, I mean, she was either going to end up with the demonic Gaara, or Naruto. She didn't really know Naruto, apart from the fact that he loved ramen. _(A.N: She's gonna end up with a demon either way.)_

Gai had just wrenched himself from the wall, and had both hands in either hat. Kakashi as well had his hands in them both.

"**One,"** They counted. **"two, THREE!"** They yanked their hands out, each ending up with two slips of paper.

"The end results are," Kakashi sounded serious. "Gaara and Sakura!" He shouted, throwing confetti into the air.

"Kakashi-sensei, where did the confetti come from?" Naruto asked.

"I honestly don't know…" Kakashi said, scratching his head. "Oh well."

"**AND OF COURSE, THAT MEANS NARUTO AND AYAME ARE THE LAST ONES!"** Gai and Kakashi sort of did a victory dance around the room.

"Have you two been drinking with Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked, who was trying to get as far away from Gaara as was physically possible.

"How'd you guess?" Kakashi asked. Part of his mask peeled down a tiny bit, revealing very red cheeks.

"Gee… we're just surrounded by perfect role models aren't we?" Sakura said sarcastically. A ear-splitting scream came from the outside hallway.

"Oh no! We forgot about Neji!" Everyone ran out into the hall. Neji was curled up on the ground, and Nina was sitting huffily on a banister.

"Shizune, could yeh (Hic!) help Neji out? I'm busy…" She said as Tsunade downed more sake. "Right everybody! Yeh have ta be here at 8 o' clock (Hic!) in the morning. Okie dokie?"

"I'm going to go pack." Nina said as she stormed down the stairway.

"Don't worry Sasuke," Naruto patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll get along fine with her."

"Yeah… great…" Sasuke muttered. He was not in for a good time.

…………………………

Nina's violent! Yey violence! Anyways, I'm sorry. I'm still stuck on Snake Lords. I'm having trouble with the next chapter. Oh and guess what! I made a fictionpress account! If you wanna check out the stuff I have there, I'll be really happy! I have the same username; Gohan209. Have fun reading my stuff! Till then!


	3. Poor Mr Jenkins… and Just What is Shino

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

The Demonic Ninjas 3: At the time, I couldn't really come up with a good Japanese name. So, I decided to go with Nina, because it was on FMA (I won't go into that since this is a Naruto story, not FMA) I kind of liked it because Nina sounds like a nice name, one that a 'good girl' would have, and her attitude is completely contradictory to her name. Maybe I should have given her a Japanese name, but it's too late for that now!

Psycho Spaghetti: As I said in the footnote of my first chapter, and I quote myself, "…the pairings will actually be picked out of a hat by none other than me! So, if you have any ideas for pairings, you have two options to choose from: 1, Wait and see how things turn out in the story. 2, Don't say anything at all, because it's just plain chance people." I have to agree though, if I had picked Shikamaru and Tayuya, he would have had quite a nightmarish experience!

On with the story!

**Chpt 3: Poor Mr. Jenkins… and Just What is Shino Thinking Today?**

…………………………

"I'm going to go pack." Nina said as she stormed down the stairway.

"Don't worry Sasuke," Naruto patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll get along fine with her."

"Yeah… great…" Sasuke muttered. He was not in for a good time.

…………………………

**8 o'clock, Tsunade's office**

…………………………

"You know, I don't think that meeting here was a good idea…" Sakura mumbled. Yet again, they were cramped in Tsunade's rather small office. Except this time, not only was it crowded with people, but with luggage. Lots and lots of luggage. Sakura didn't really mind the luggage, but she was squished against a wall near Naruto's luggage. In other words, she was stuck staring at ramen. Lots and lots of ramen.

"Hi everybody!" Shizune said happily. Everyone glared at her for being a morning person. "Um… The ship is here."

"Ship?" Ino asked. "What ship?"

"The ship to bring you all to Antarctica!"

"**WHAT?"** Everyone yelled.

"Geez, I was just kidding…" Shizune sighed. "It's the ship to take you to your island vacation place… thingy. You know I still think this is a really stupid idea. Especially with, you know, them."

"We're right here! We can hear every word you're saying!" Haku, Kin, and Tayuya said, obviously annoyed.

"Yeah, we know you are." The three of them sweatdropped. "Anyways, like I said. How did you expect to get there? It's a tropical island! Of course you'll take a ship. Accompanying you all, will be the Jounin teachers. They will be there to make sure things don't get out of hand…" Shizune trailed off.

Sasuke stared at her expectantly. "And…?" He asked.

"Nothing else! Just to watch you guys!" She answered quickly. Too quickly…

"Kakashi-sensei always told us to look underneath the underneath. The Jounins can't be there to just 'watch' us. Why else are they coming?" Shizune looked positively flustered.

"Oh would you look at the time! **LETS GET A MOVE ON!"** She said it so loudly, no one dared oppose her. They all ran out of the building at top speed, scaring many innocent bystanders into a heart attack.

They arrived at the docks and were instantly depressed. The large, streamlined boat they were expecting, was nowhere to be seen. The only boat in the whole harbor, was a tiny little wooden sailboat.

"Was it just me, or was anyone else expecting a cruise ship? Not a wooden dinghy." Kiba asked, looking very depressed at the tiny little vessel.

"Oh, that's not the ship you'll be taking!" Shizune laughed. "That's just Mr. Jenkins's boat!" A really old, bald guy poked his head out a window, giving them a gummy smile.

"What kind of a name is 'Jenkins'?" Asked Kankurou.

"I'm not quite sure." Shizune said, making a quizzical face. "All I know is that he's from this place he calls, America. I've never heard of it before." Everyone else shrugged. They never heard of this 'America' either.

While they were all shrugging, Mr. Jenkins screamed and waved his arms wildly about. A giant luxury cruiser came out of nowhere, and docked right at the place where Mr. Jenkins boat **used** to be.

This is what happened. While Mr. Jenkins was wildly waving his arms about and screaming, the cruiser pulled in, squishing Mr. Jenkins boat into mere pieces of driftwood. Unfortunately, Mr. Jenkins was too old and crotchety to jump out of his boat in time, so he went squish too. Except, he didn't really look so much like driftwood, as he did a bloodied mass of flesh. Then, sharks came and ripped him to shreds, feasting upon the old man's flesh. To think, all that happened, and the Naruto gang was too busy shrugging about this 'America' to even notice the old man's demise. Poor Mr. Jenkins. Then again, who cares! He was gonna die sooner or later! That's what happens to old people. They **die!**

The Jounins came staggering up the walkway, holding their heads and groaning.

"Let me guess…" Sakura groaned. "Not only were Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei drinking with Tsunade, you all were! And now you all have major hangovers because of it!"

"Sakura…" Kakashi moaned. "Shut up. You're making my head hurt!"

"Serves you right!" Sakura scolded.

"I don't really feel all that youthful at the moment…" Gai said, looking rather nauseous. Lee gave a horrible cry.

"**NOOOOO! GAI-SENSEI! YOU CAN NOT LOSE YOUR YOUTHFUL LUSTER! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!"** He began to cry.

On the other side of team Gai, Ten-ten and Neji were silently cheering. _Finally! No more youth speeches! Hallelujah! _They thought.

"Don't worry Lee! It is only a temporary condition… I think." Lee was overjoyed and gave Gai a big hug beneath a sunset.

Ten-ten and Neji collapsed into tears. _Noooooo! That means there's gonna be more youth speeches! Curse you youthfulness! Why do you torture us so?_ They both thought. Coincidentally, they both thought the EXACT SAME THING! Isn't it weird how that kind of thing happens?

"You! Were drinking?" Kiba said unbelievably. "I thought you were the responsible one of the group!"

"Y-Yeah! Kurenai-sensei!" Hinata said, her eyes wide with disbelief. Then again, they're always wide, so yeah.

Shino's face was deeply concerned and he was thinking, _You! Of all people! I would have never expected such a horrible sin from a person like you!_ Okay. In truth, his face was the same as it always was. What he was thinking, nobody really knew. But it's just so darn FUN to imagine what Shino is thinking, since most of the time he keeps that kind of stuff to himself. Maybe he's some sort of creepy nun, sworn to silence! Okay, now I'm just getting off track here. But, come on people! I'm serious! Shino could be a nun, or a monk, except he's not bald. So yeah! Shino could definitely be a nun!

"Well, they were all doing it, so I decided to do it too." Kurenai said, explaining her predicament.

"Oh no! The bandwagon technique!" Kiba cried out. "It twists the minds of many, and lures so many innocent people do their doom! **DOOM!" **Kiba dramatically collapsed to his knees, sobbing on behalf of all those innocent people. Everyone cheered half-heartedly and clapped a little.

"All aboard the…!" Shizune stopped, and pulled out a sharpie marker. She scribbled something quickly on the side of the boat. "All aboard the Shizune Sailboat!" Upon closer examination, the words 'Shizune Sailboat' was written across the side of boat, along with a tiny chibi doodle of Shizune herself.

"I like the name 'Ramen Raft' better than 'Shizune Sailboat'." Naruto said, scribbling out Shizune's artistic doodle, and writing 'Ramen raft' instead. Then, a lightbulb appeared above both Shizune's and Naruto's head, and they both whispered for a few moments.

"We have decided to call it, **the 'Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza'!"** There was more half-hearted cheering and clapping.

"Are we going? I want to get this over with as soon as possible. How troublesome…" Shikamaru sighed.

"Shikamaru! Where is your holiday spirit?" Shizune and Naruto asked.

"It's not a holiday. In fact, the next holiday is the 4th of July." He said. The month they were in was June, and we all know that June is **so** boring and lame, it doesn't even deserve a holiday or two.

"Oh…" They said. "Do you mean that weird holiday in that foreign place called, 'America'?" Everyone began shrugging, AGAIN. "Well now it's 'Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza' Day! **YEEEEEEEYYYY!"** They cried. And yet again, everyone gave half-hearted cheers and a little bit of clapping. The month June was now happy, and overjoyed that it finally had a holiday.

"**To infinity, AND BEYOND!"** Everyone got out their specially made Buzz Lightyear action figure, and ran onto the ship with their luggage, shooting imaginary aliens along the way. Everyone did just that except for the people who would never do that, because they just wouldn't do something so demoralizing. This includes: Neji, Sasuke, Gaara, Ten-ten, Shikamaru, Hinata, Haku, Tayuya, Kin, Nina, and of course, good old Shino.

Neji and Sasuke didn't because they were, you know, too awesome and cool and isolated from the world. Gaara didn't because he was half psychotic killer demon, and the leader of the Sand; the Kazekage. Ten-ten didn't because she would be shamed for life if anyone saw her doing something as stupid as that. Shikamaru just said it was too troublesome to do. Hinata is **much** too timid to do something as bold as that. Haku, Tayuya, and Kin didn't do it, because, well… they're **EVIL!** And evil people just don't do that kind of stuff. Nina was ANBU level, very mature for her age, and only interested in real violence. Not blasting imaginary aliens. Besides, she hated Buzz Lightyear for certain reasons _(A.N: These reasons, I will release in due time.)_. Did I mention that she** loves violence?**

And now, we come down to our good old reliable buddy Shino. He didn't do it because he believes that Woody is so much cooler than Buzz Lightyear in the first place. At least I think so… I'm just guessing because we all know that it's just so darn FUN to guess what Shino thinks! Maybe he decided not to because he would only do such a thing if REAL aliens were attacking the Earth. Then, when all hope was seemingly lost, Shino would transform into, **SUPER SHINO! A.K.A., BUGBOY!** He would swoop down, and fry those evil aliens with his bug vision. Then the world would bow down before **SUPER SHINO THE BUGBOY!** and let him rule over them all as their Supreme Ruler and King! Shino, being all modest and stuff, would gladly accept the position of Supreme Ruler and King, and then fly off on one of his giant locusts to go and rule the planet.

Then again, on the other hand, maybe Shino was thinking more along the lines of "…". My! Isn't it just so darn FUN to guess what Shino is thinking? I am having the most wonderful time of my life guessing what Shino is thinking! I hope you are having a fun time too: ) _(A.N: I still say that Shino could be a silent nun!)_

"So," The captain of the boat said loudly. "Are you all ready to go to Antarctica and see the little penguins waddle?"

"**WHAT?"** Everyone yelled for the second time today.

"Geez, I was just kidding!" He said, shaking his hands back and forth. "Sheesh!" The captain started the motor and pulled out of the harbor. "Oh! Good day to you, Mr. Jenkins!" The driver tipped his hat.

"Is it just me, or does Mr. Jenkins look a bit different from before?" Ten-ten asked. Gaara walked up to the edge and looked over the edge. He saw Mr. Jenkins head bobbing up and down in the water, blood floating across the top of the water.

"Blood… I need **blood!"** Gaara's eyes became yellow with a little black cross in the center surrounded by four black dots. **"GIVE ME BLOOD! I NEED IT NOW! RAAAAGHH!"** He roared. Temari and Kankurou came over and whacked the back of his head.

"Stop that!" Temari said. "You know I get annoyed when you do that!"

"Sorry…" Gaara looked crestfallen, and just stared longingly at the floating head in the water. And I bet, although it is so much more fun to guess what Shino is thinking, I bet he was thinking gory thoughts about mauling people and eating people's insides, and (CENSORED FOR VIOLENCE) Hmm… Nina would probably like to do all that violent stuff too! Did I mention that she **loves violence?** Oh wait, I have said that several times already in this story. Nevermind!

Then, for no real reason, almost all of them started a Congo line and started dancing all around the boat. Yes, even the hung-over teachers and the captain of the boat. The boat floated uncontrollably into the sunset. However, the sunset realized that it was only about 8:15 in the morning, and disappeared, leaving behind it the normal sun that we have all come to know and love.

Except Shino. He angrily cursed the sun in his head. He hates the sun. That's why he wears a coat with a high collar and sunglasses! Maybe he's a _vampire_ nun that is sworn to silence! (Insert creepy background music here) And don't forget everybody, he will someday become; **SUPER SHINO THE BUGBOY!** **THE SUPREME RULER AND KING OF PLANET EARTH!** As soon as he finds some aliens to destroy. My! Guessing what Shino thinks is just so darn FUN to do! It just never gets old!

I bet you can all guess who didn't join in the oh-so-fun Congo line. The biggest party-poopers of all time: Neji, Sasuke, Gaara, Ten-ten, Shikamaru, Hinata, Haku, Tayuya, Kin, Nina, and of course, our ever so mysterious ruler of the planet Earth, Shino.

Suddenly, a whirlpool appeared in the middle of the ocean. Quite randomly too! Everyone realized that no one was steering the boat! The captain of the boat burst free of the Congo line and grabbed hold of the reins. Then he realized that reins are what you steer horses with! Not boats! Oh that captain! He's a joker alright! He pulled a steering wheel out of his pocket, a thing only a comicbook character should be able do, but we won't get technical, and he steered the boat to safety.

Everyone filed a lawsuit against the captain for endangering their lives, but then he told his sad tale about his starving family, and all was forgiven. So instead of being brought to court, the captain only has to pay a five dollar fine. How nice of our favorite ninjas to let him off easy!

…………………………

I hope this chapter didn't scare too many of you away! It was supposed to be rather… umm… would random be a good word? Yes! Random it is! Hopefully, I will be able to get the next chapter up ASAP. It will be about everybody enjoying their cruise and exploring the boat that killed Mr. Jenkins! Yey! Till then!


	4. Part 1, Of Arcades, Jacuzzis, and Martin

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

**A.N: **Right now, they're all about 15 or 16 years old. Sorry that I forgot to mention that before. But yeah, this takes places after the 3 year interval.

On with the story!

**Chpt 4: Of Arcades, Jacuzzis, and Martini Stands! (Part 1)**

…………………………

Everyone filed a lawsuit against the captain for endangering their lives, but then he told his sad tale about his starving family, and all was forgiven. So instead of being brought to court, the captain only has to pay a five dollar fine. How nice of our favorite ninjas to let him off easy!

…………………………

The inside of the cruise ship was **humungo!** I mean, it was so big, I had to make up the word 'humungo' to describe it! Everyone lugged their bags through the extremely humungo, and carpeted, hallway when a member of the crew came strolling by with a huge trolley.

"Welcome aboard the, newly named, Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza!" He exclaimed, putting on a cheery smile and spreading his arms wide. "Well, it used to be called the Floaty Boat, but that is no more. My name is Jeff. I came here for work from America!" Yet again, this 'America' place came up again. Would it haunt them for all eternity?

"Here, let me take your luggage." Jeff scooped the luggage out of their hands and dropped it on his trolley. "Now, if you all follow me, I will show you your rooms." Everyone trotted to keep up with Jeff, who was able to walk very fast even with the large amount luggage. He pushed open a large door, and they entered another hallway with a number of doors on either side.

"Hey!" Sakura yelled, "There's only ten rooms!" Jeff stared blankly at her. "Uh, hello? There are 20 of us in total here!"

"Oh!" Jeff cried out, scratching his head and laughing. "Your Hokage, Tsunade-sama, told me that you would be sharing rooms with one other person!" Right then, they all stared at him open mouthed, except for Shino, he didn't do anything, or so we think. "Lets see," Jeff said, pulling out a sheet of paper. "From what it says here, Ten-ten goes with Kiba in room number 2, Neji and Temari get room 3, …" Jeff continued to call out the doomed pairs, while tossing the matching luggage into different rooms.

"This is so not fair." Haku muttered under her breath while staring at Lee.

"Well, at least we'll be sleeping in separate beds." Kin said, who was having a staring match with the wall.

"Separate beds?" Jeff said, finally done sorting the luggage. "Oh no! You'll each be sharing a king size bed!" At that, there were huge outbursts from everybody there.

"**THAT'S BULLSHIT!"** Tayuya screamed. Chouji started eating his chips at high speed.

"How troublesome!" Shikamaru sighed. Hinata poked her fingers together furiously, if that's even possible, and was blushing a deep tomato read.

"**I REFUSE TO SLEEP WITH A GUY THAT WEARS MAKEUP!"** Ino yelled, pulling at her hair.

"**AND I WON'T SLEEP IN A PIG STALL! WE'VE ALREADY GONE OVER THIS! IT'S KABUKI PAINT!"** Ino and Kankurou soon got into a large argument with each other while everyone else kept on shouting.

"…" Shino shouted. Well, it's what he was **implying** that counts. Kin was crying anime tears and hitting her head against a wall, cursing her misfortune.

"**YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!" **Temari yelled at a little chibi Neji who was cowering against a wall. Ten-ten was standing on the ceiling, quite noticeably far away from Kiba, and glaring at Temari for yelling at Neji. Kiba just stood there like a rock.

"**CAN I SLEEP ON THE FLOOR?"** Lee yelled, edging away from Haku who was looking very scary. Scary in the bad sense.

Naruto was rubbing his head and glancing nervously at Ayame who was doing the same thing.

Sakura was crying anime tears and punching a wall in fury. Gaara was clenching a fist of sand, trying not to do something very violent. Yey violence!

"Uh… hehehe…he…" Sasuke nervously laughed. Nina was holding the hilt of a katana in a death grip and slowly advancing on Sasuke, her eyes blazing with black flames. "Where did that katana come from?" Nina growled dangerously. "Alright! T-that's your business!" Sasuke was now backed up against a wall. "Listen, we can work something out, can't we? Please?" Nina twirled the blade around expertly around in her hand, and sent it flying at Sasuke's head. He ducked, and it flew straight over his head.

"Nice reflexes." She grunted. She placed her foot against the wall and tugged the katana out. "Next time, you won't be able to dodge it." She kneeled down next to him. "I'm sleeping outside in the hallway. Don't even come near me, or else." Sasuke nodded slowly, and she put on a false smile. "Good."

"Is everyone settled?" Shizune asked. "Great!" She said without waiting for a reply. "Now, Kakashi? Would you like to do the honors?" Kakashi poofed out of nowhere, holding large scroll.

"Ahem." He coughed, un-scrolling the scroll. "I have to read out this scroll Tsunade gave me. It says;

Dear everybody,

You are all partaking on a vacation that I have set up for you. Now, some of you may be wondering why! Well, by now, you are all mature teenagers and decent ninjas that I am very proud of. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that none of you have a love life whatsoever! I have taken the duty upon myself, and arranged this trip so that in the end, you all have a girlfriend or boyfriend!

I am sending along your Jounin sensei, except for Nina's, Haku's, Kin's, and Tayuya's, because Nina's sensei is out on a mission, Haku's sensei would technically be Zabuza and he's dead, Kin's sensei is Orochimaru and I can't have **him** accompanying you, and as far as I know, Tayuya doesn't have a sensei.

They are going with you to make sure that you spend every moment of this vacation with your assigned person. This is also to make sure that no ugly love triangles form. Trust me, love triangles are only a good thing in soap operas. Blah blah blah, in short, I expect you to fall in love and have a good time with it! See you soon, as new couples!" Kakashi finished, throwing the scroll over his shoulder.

Everyone groaned ALL AT THE SAME TIME! We all know that they were planning on just sneaking away instead of going through with this oh-so-queer punishment. But now since the senseis would be watching them, that would be impossible.

"Shizune, how much sake did it take for Tsunade-sama to come up with this idea?" Kakashi asked. Shizune, pondered for a little while.

"I think she came up with the idea after her 23rd bottle. Maybe it was 24, but, you get the picture. She's going to have some serious liver problems. Good thing she's a medic-nin!" Shizune said, pulling out a large box.

Kakashi reached into the box and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. He slapped one of the metal bands over Sasuke's wrist, and than placed another on Nina's wrist, who immediately tried to snap the cursed thing. "Now, these are specially made handcuffs that cannot be broken or taken off until the cruise is over. These are to insure that you all spend your quality time with each other!" Kakashi placed the handcuffs on everyone so fast that no one had a chance to escape.

"**WHAT!"** Everyone yelled. It was bad enough that Tsunade expected them to become couples, but being chained together was all too much.

"**THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"** Kiba and Ten-ten yelled. Kiba was hanging down from the ceiling by his handcuffs as Ten-ten was still standing on the ceiling. **"WHY SHOULD SHE HAVE ANY SAY ON WHAT GOES ON IN OUR LIVES?"** Kakashi shrugged.

"Well, I think you should all just go have a fun time. This ship is full of fun things to do!" Everyone still stared at him, mortified beyond belief. "No, you only have to get to know each other until we reach the island." Everyone sighed and walked out into the main part of the ship.

There were gasps of amazement all around. Yet again, I shall stress how humungo this ship was! They stood in the main lobby, and there were over twenty doors, all leading to different locations. Then, for the first time in history, Nina smiled, little stars shining in her eyes.

"No way…" She squealed, clasping her hands together. **"They have A GAME ROOM! HOOOORAAY!"** She ran through the door, dragging Sasuke along the ground with her. Naruto held his hand over his heart and looked sadly at the door in which Sasuke had been dragged through.

"Poor Sasuke. We knew him well." Funeral music began playing from a nearby speaker. "Oh, let's go to the kitchen Ayame!" He hopped gleefully towards the kitchen just like Nina had done, dragging Ayame along with him.

…………………………

Nina leapt into the arcade room happily. The arcade room was yet again, **humungo!** Giant arcade boxes lined the walls, and more games were scattered throughout the room. Sasuke carefully got up and winced. He had major rugburn from being dragged along the ground so much.

"They have everything I've always dreamed of!" She cried happily. "They have so many different arcade games! Look! They've got a Gamecube, an Xbox, Xbox 360, a PS2, even a PS3! Those aren't even on the market yet! Even all of the really old systems like the SNES, Nintendo64, Playstation! They even have all the handheld consoles!" She pointed towards a glass cabinet that held many different versions of Gameboys and PSP's.

Sasuke looked around, pretending to be interested so as not to incur her wrath. "You like video games?" He asked, trying to keep her from getting violent again.

"Like them? No…" She said, holding up her hand. **"I love them!"** She shouted, running towards a Tekken 4 machine.

_Go figure. She runs straight towards a fighting game._ Sasuke thought, watching her play as a knight with huge swords against some sort of leopard creature. He turned away and looked around the room. He had to admit, the sheer amount of games was astonishing. _Must have cost a fortune!_ He saw a dark corner of the room, lit by only a flickering light. "Say, what do you think is over there?" There was a loud beep as Nina stabbed the leopard through the chest as her finishing move.

"Hmm, I'm not sure. Lets go check it out!" She ran off, this time, Sasuke kept pace with her so he wouldn't further irritate his rugburn. Under the flickering light, the words, Bend Room, were visible.

"What do you think's in there?" Sasuke asked. But Nina wasn't listening. She traced the words with her hands, staring at the door with awe. Her mouth moved up and down, but no words came out. "Are you alright?" Sasuke asked, afraid she might get violent again.

"Alright? I-I'm more than alright…" Her voice sounded somewhat shaky. "Is this what I think it is?" She grabbed the handle of the door and pushed it open. They took a step into a completely white room. Along the wall were a large number of white capsules with the words, Reality Bender, written in black on each capsule. "It is!" She gasped.

"What are these things? They look like giant medicine pills." Sasuke said raising an eyebrow. But Nina kept on ignoring him and placed her hand on the single, raised pedestal in the middle of the room. A touch screen popped into view on the flat surface.

"I just can't believe it! I heard they were working on this project, but I didn't think it would actually work!" She turned to Sasuke, amazement in her eyes. "You don't know what these are, do you?" Sasuke shook his head. "The Reality Bender is the most highly advanced RPG machine ever made. An RPG is a Role Playing Game if you didn't already know that."

"I know what an RPG is!" He said back stubbornly. In truth, he had never figured out what RPG **really** stood for. Sure, he had heard of it, but he thought it stood for, Romantically Portrayed Genera. _(A.N: That last sentence will make more sense in later chapters.)_ "So what? It's just a game." Nina whacked him on the head.

"Just a game? What are you, stupid? Oh wait, let me answer that for you. Yes. You are stupid." She said, hitting him on the head again. "Geez, lowerclassmen are so naïve! Anyways, this isn't any normal RPG! It's the first ever virtual reality RPG ever! It taps into all five senses, and lets you enter a 3-D universe! It's not just an RPG either! You can use it as a fighting game too! When multiple people enter the one man capsules, you can either fight each other, or work together, depending on what mode you enter and what you decide to do." She kept on talking about a bunch of other things until Sasuke was bored to tears.

"Come on! Let's play! I have to try this out!"

"I don't want to. You play, I'll wait for you to finish." A lightning bolt struck in the background and her face was covered in shadows.

"**Do you have a sudden death wish Uchiha?"** She asked, looking violent. Again. You know, maybe Nina would have gotten along with Gaara better than Sasuke. Oh well! Sasuke's just going to have to deal with his rather violent fate. Fate. Hn. That's Neji talk. Maybe I should say something like; 'Sasuke's just going to have to deal with his rather violent 'future girlfriend'. Yeah. That way, it doesn't sound like Neji's taking over this fic.

Neji: You just wait. I **will** take over this storyline. I'll show you, **I'll show you all!**

Gohan209: I thought your main goals were to demolish the Main House and find a way to remove your cursed seal?

Neji: Well… Now I have three goals for my life! To take over this storyline and make myself **not** with Temari, to destroy the Main House, **and** to remove my cursed seal! Say, don't you have a story to write? Like, this one?

Gohan209: OMG! I totally forgot about the story! Thanks for reminding me Neji! (Glomps Neji to death) I wuv you!

Neji: Your name is Gohan209, and you just glomped me. I suddenly feel very sick.

Gohan209: I'm a girl, not a boy stupid! I just love Gohan from DBZ and decided to call myself Gohan209! And if you call me a boy again, I will throw you out a window. A **20 story high window!**

Neji: 0.o' You forgot about the story again…

Gohan209: Eeeek! I did it again! Uh… where was I? (Stares at keyboard)

Neji: You were at the part where Sasuke is being threatened by Nina to play the Reality Bender game or die a horrible death.

Gohan209: Oh yeah! Thankee much!

"I-I'll play!" Sasuke insisted. "But how are we going to get in when we're handcuffed together?"

"Pft! No problem. I've already thought this all out!" She formed several hand seals and pressed her first two fingers on the chain. Instantly, the chain went limp. "It may not be able to break or be taken off, but I can make it stretch!" She walked over to a capsule, the chain stretching like a rubber band, and pressed a button on the side panel. The front of the capsule slid open and she stepped inside, the door shutting behind her.

Sasuke walked slowly up to one of the capsules and did the same thing. When the door sealed behind him, a small red light flickered to life on the ceiling, revealing a black chair built into the back of the wall. He sat down, and nearly scared to death when a mask was pressed over his face. He felt cold, metal wires being pressed against every inch of his skin, giving him goosebumps. A strange whirring sound emitted from a small vent in the mask, and a bad smelling gas poured in. Sasuke began struggling as his vision dimmed and the rest of his senses seemed to be sucked away. Had he made a mistake?

…………………………

Almost everyone else decided to go to the pool area. Why? I don't know! Why don't you go ask them yourself instead of asking me such a silly question? Anywho, yes they all decided to go to the pool area because they wanted to. However, they couldn't really swim since they were handcuffed together. They realized this after the incident where Kankurou and Ino drowned. Yes, they drowned. Yes that does mean they're dead! Usually, that's what 'drowned' means. You drown by breathing water and no air until you die. **AARGH! STOP ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS!**

Neji: No one was asking you any questions.

Gohan209: Neji! This is the second time you've interrupted this chapter! Could you just shut up? (Neji walks away sadly) Honestly! He is so rude!

Then, a magical coconut wearing a lampshade was carried into the ship by a small sparrow. However, it must have been an African sparrow because an English sparrow is much too small to carry a coconut. But, African sparrows don't migrate, so maybe it was two English sparrows carrying the coconut on a vine… I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail! It's such a funny movie!

"I'm dying even as we speak!" The coconut cried out. Yes, I know coconuts can't talk, but this was a **magical **coconut! "Please, take my life and transfer it to one of them so that they can live on! The fate of the world rests on their shoulders!"

"It does?" Everyone asked the coconut.

"No, not really. But it sounds much more dramatic when I say that." Everyone nodded in understanding. "Now! Take my life and give it to either one of them so that they may live!"

"Wait, so you can only bring one of them back to life?" Temari asked, who was all for bringing Ino back. She didn't really like either Ino or Kankurou, but Kankurou just got so annoying sometimes! She liked him better off dead.

"Well," The coconut shrugged. No, I don't have any clue how a coconut could shrug! Just pretend it shrugged, alright? "You could sacrifice this here sparrow and bring the other one back as well." Ten-ten whipped a kunai out of nowhere and stabbed the coconut and the sparrow in one strike.

"Even while you're swimming, you're armed?" Kiba asked, now very frightened. "How are you able to store the weapons without a holster?" Ten-ten glared at him.

"I have my ways…" She said, staring at Kiba until he looked away. A ghostly light rose up from the husk of the coconut, followed by another light that rose up from the corpse of the sparrow.

"Thank you!" The coconut ghost said in a wavering voice. "And remember, beware the fatheaded fairies! They are eeeeeeeeeeevvviiilll! And somewhat stupid…" It cried as it zoomed off towards Kankurou's corpse. The ghost of the sparrow glared at Ten-ten for killing it and went off to Ino's lifeless body.

"Did it say, fatheaded fairies?" Temari asked. "Just what kind of garbage is that?"

"I assume that it means a fairy with a fat head." Kiba pointed out to her. Temari smacked her face and huffed.

"No really? I think I could figure that out."

"Then don't ask such stupid questions!" Kiba exclaimed. "God! If a magical coconut wearing a lampshade comes in and starts talking about fatheads, I don't think it will make any sense!"

"Wha happened?" Kankurou sat up rubbing his head. "Why do I suddenly have the urge for coconuts?"

"Can I fly?" Ino spread her arms and waved them up and down, apparently trying to become airborne.

"Lets see! No hollow bones, no feathers, no wings. Yes! Of course you can fly! Just jump up and down until it works!" Shikamaru said with more than just a touch of sarcasm.

"**Since we can't swim, WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO COME WITH ME INTO THE JACUZZI?"** Lee shouted, destroying more than just a few eardrums in the process.

"I don't want to go in the Jacuzzi." Haku muttered.

"**YES YOU DO!"**

"No. I really don't."

"**YOU DON'T?"** Lee shrugged. **"TOO BAD FOR YOU!"** Lee started off towards the Jacuzzi, an angry Haku in tow.

"Ooh! Me! Me! I wanna go in the Jacuzzi!" Ino ran at top speed after Lee, leaving flames in her wake. She burst through the doors, and saw that Haku was tightly holding onto a pillar, holding both herself and Lee away from the Jacuzzi.

"**LET GO!"** Lee yelled, struggling as hard as he could, trying to dislodge Haku from the pillar.

"**I HATE HOT WATER! NO WAY AM I GOING IN THERE!"** Haku yelled back at Lee, glancing nervously at the nearby Jacuzzi.

While Haku and Lee continued their struggle, Kankurou and Ino continued towards the Jacuzzi where Shino and Kin were in.

"Hiya! Mind if we sit here?" Ino asked cheerily.

"Yes." Shino and Kin said at the same time. "We do mind." Kin glared at them. Shino, uh… Shino didn't do anything. Why? Because he's too busy plotting to take over the world to show any sort of reaction. Completely ignoring them, they lowered themselves into the water anyways.

"So!" Kankurou said, trying a rather lame attempt at starting some conversation. "Do either of you like coconuts?"

"No." Kin glared even harder at them.

"…coconuts…?" Shino said, RAISING AN EYEBROW! Thank God! He does have some emotion in him! "…go away…"

"Yeah yeah Mr. Anti-Social. You don't have to hide it!" Kankurou chuckled and grinned. "I know you love coconuts!"

"…go away…"

"I have undeniable proof that you like coconuts Shino!" Kankurou grabbed Shino's hair with a hand. Shino immediately tensed up. "Your hair kind of looks like a coconut! Get it? It's spiky like the husk!" Shino slowly turned his head towards Kankurou.

"…my hair…"

"Looks like the husk of a coconut! See! I told you so!" Kankurou interrupted him.

"…you're touching it…" Shino continued. Shino's left hand shot out from the water and grabbed Kankurou's wrist, breaking his hold on Shino's hair. "…you were touching my hair…" He held out his right hand, letting bugs swarm out from along his arm. They flew the small gap and attached themselves to Kankurou's skin. Shino stood up quickly, dragging Kin and the now spastic Kankurou up with him.

"**Don't ever touch the do!"** Shino said, suddenly looking like someone from the age of disco. With the glasses, the hair, and the disco ball that randomly appeared out of nowhere, accompanied by music from Saturday Night Fever. Like I said, no one really understands Shino!

…………………………

Geez. I'm sorry I haven't been able to update in like forever. Now, here's the deal. I'm probably only going to be able to update my stories on the weekends this month. Why you ask? Well, it's that time of the year, and not just for me either. School is about halfway through, and guess what that means! Midterms are coming ever closer. I've spent the last week studying, and will probably spend my next few weeks the same way. This is worth 1/5 of my grade of this entire semester. But I promise. When midterms are over, updates will be made more frequently. Till then!


	5. Part 2, Of Arcades, Jacuzzis, and Martin

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

Ihearttenten: I don't know, but that's what's going to make this story fun!

The Demonic Ninjas 3: No, I didn't take it from Yu-Gi-Oh. In fact, I don't even watch the show so yeah…

EarthenAngel: You and Kakashi huh? I wasn't really planning on pairing the Jounins, but, with your permission, I could make you a guest character and maybe, I dunno, see what I can do… ; )

On with the story!

**Chpt 5: Of Arcades, Jacuzzis, and Martini Stands! (Part 2)**

…………………………

"**Don't ever touch the do!"** Shino said, suddenly looking like someone from the age of disco. With the glasses, the hair, and the disco ball that randomly appeared out of nowhere, accompanied by music from Saturday Night Fever. Like I said, no one really understands Shino!

…………………………

Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai were all walking around, making sure that their students, and one disgruntled ANBU, were all, as Tsunade called it, 'bonding'. Please note that the word bonding is in quotation marks, and also note the touch of sarcasm.

"Lets go to the kitchen and get some ice…" Kakashi complained, rubbing his still hung-over head. He pulled open the kitchen door and sweatdropped, his eyes narrowing to tiny slits. Three dots appeared above his head as the other Jounin came to look in the kitchen as well.

Naruto sat upon a leaning tower of empty ramen bowls, and was still eating. Ayame sat next to him wearing a gas mask to help filter out the smell of ramen. She usually only used it at Ichiraku Ramen when the smell became unbearable, but this was an exception she was willing to make. Alongside them were Chouji and Tayuya. Chouji was eating at the same reckless pace as Naruto, but he was eating a larger variety of foods. Tayuya sat with her head in her arms and was writing what suspiciously looked like her Will.

"When I die from being crushed by a mountain of food that is currently being consumed by a fatass, I will leave my funny hat with the bandages and wires sticking out of it to… uh… anyone who wants it. And my flute will go to… the school band. If there is a school band in the first place…"

"That's pathetic…" Kurenai said, her sweatdrop increasing in size. "Kakashi, I think you'll have to skip on the ice."

"I think you're right Kurenai." Kakashi shut the doors and walked off in the opposite direction.

"**Well, we are on vacation, are we not?" **Gai spun around in a circle and miraculously changed from his green spandex, Jounin vest and shinobi sandals, to green and black flip-flops, an equally green t-shirt, and a pair of butt ugly, green Bermuda shorts.** "Let us par-tay!" **Gai lifted his hand up to shift his sunglasses, when he noticed that he wasn't wearing any sunglasses. **"I shall be, right back!"** Gai ran off too fast for anyone to follow.

"Quick! Let's leave before he gets back!" Asuma suggested, getting ready to run. The other two agreed and started to run helter-skelter to a random location on the boat.

"**Like my new sunglasses?"** The three of them came to a screeching halt as Gai stood before them wearing a pair of round sunglasses.

"Wait… how did you…" Asuma's mouth hung open like an idiot and his cigarette fell to the floor. "How did you find us so quickly?"

"**Uh… you guys haven't moved an inch…"** The three other Jounin looked around and saw that they were indeed in the same place that they had started. While they were running helter-skelter around the boat, they didn't notice that they had taken a u-turn that brought them right back to where they had first tried to get away from.

In simpler terms, Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi, while trying to get from point A to point B, they ended up going in a circle, bringing them straight back to point A. I do hope that made sense to you…

"Say… Those sunglasses look awfully familiar…" Kurenai scratched her chin. "Wait a second… **Those are Shino's sunglasses!"** Kurenai pointed an accusing finger at him. **"Do you know what you have just done?"**

"**Honestly, no I don't."** Gai admitted, shrugging his shoulders. **"But he was the only person with sunglasses!"** Kurenai began spazing out.

"**You don't understand! Shino's eyes are permanently dilated!"** Gai gave her a blank look that seemed to say: 'Man, you are one crazy lady filled to the brim with nuts! Not just any nuts, but almonds! Please explain to me the meaning of 'dilated' because I have the vocabulary of a three year old. I love youth!' Yup! That's Gai for ya! **"Dilated as in any light directly touches his eyes he will become blind and overcome with pain!"**

A piercing screech came from the Jacuzzi room. Shino came running out with his hands covering his eyes, dragging a completely agitated Kin behind him.

"**MY EYES! AAGGHHHH! IT BURNS!"** Shino wailed dramatically in front of them. His hands left his eyes for a moment, but long enough for all to see that the pupils were covering his entire iris, making him look like a deranged monkey. He ran away, screaming and frothing at the mouth.

"Uh…" Kakashi said stupidly, looking quite confused at the moment. "Okaaaay… Lookie over there!" Kakashi pointed eagerly at a Martini Stand that was conveniently nearby. "Let's go get drunk! Again!"

All four teachers pranced over to the Martini Stand and filled up their glasses.

"Shouldn't we have learned something from last night?" Kurenai asked, looking hesitantly at her glass. "Maybe something like, getting wasted and having a hangover is miserable. But getting wasted the very next day and getting another hangover is even worse? And also pretty stupid…" She looked at the other Jounins for an answer, but they were already on their second drink. "Oh forget it." Kurenai began drinking too!

"**THE BANDWAGON TECHNIQUE! NOT AGAIN!"** Shouted Kiba who apparently came out of nowhere. He began crying and sobbing that soon, Kurenai would begin having liver problems and die an early death because she had fallen for the bandwagon technique for a second time. Ten-ten, who was really fed up with Kiba by now, karate chopped a pressure point on Kiba's neck, and slung his unmoving body over her shoulder, and walked away.

"Say, have you noticed that **your** students are having a horrible day?" Asuma asked Kurenai.

"Yeah…" Kurenai sighed. "I guess I'm a horrible sensei… Oh well!" She shrugged. "I wonder how Hinata's doing…"

…………………………

"**NO! I REFUSE!"** Hinata yelled at Shikamaru. **"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU ALWAYS BEAT ME AND I'M SICK OF IT!"**

"Come on, just one more game!" Shikamaru pleaded with her. They were sitting at a table and were playing Shougi. FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS. Guess who won every game? "You get better the more you play it!" _(A.N: Shougi is a Japanese version of chess, for those of you who forgot.)_

"**OH NO!"** Yelled Hinata, who by now is acting completely OOC. She grabbed the Shougi board and all its pieces, and threw it into the fire place.

Shikamaru: A fire place on a boat? That's completely illogical! Who writes this garbage?

Gohan209: Shikamaru! Shut up! I write the story, so I make the rules!

Neji: Not if I take over the story!

Gohan209: **WTF! How did you get here?**

Temari: I want a ham sandwich! Can you make me one?

Neji: Temari wants a ham sandwich. Can we raid your fridge?

Gohan209: **YOU AND YOUR NEEDS! WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS? HUH!**

Kyuubi: Nice place you got here Gohan209. (Walks into Gohan209's room) Mind if I join you?

Itachi and Kisame: Aha! We have finally found the Kyuubi! Now we can take its power for some reason that hasn't been released in the manga yet!

Edward Elric: I don't think I belong here either…

Alphonse Elric: Nii-chan… These people scare me… (Stares at Itachi and Kisame who are currently chasing Kyuubi around my backyard)

Gohan209: (fuming mad at this point) **HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET THE FUCK INTO MY HOUSE? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU ANIME CHARACTERS INTERUPTING THE STORY FOR SOME POINTLESS REASON! CAN YOU ALL JUST LEAVE SO THAT I CAN GET BACK TO WRITING THE STORY?**

Gaara: My God! She just keeps talking and talking about 'her dearest Sasuke-kun!'! **I can't take it anymore!**

Sakura: Sasuke-kun's the greatest!

Gohan209: **ENOUGH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW! I HAVE A STORY TO WRITE!** **LEAVE!**

Shikamaru: But the firepl…

Gohan209:** GET OUT AND STAY OUT!** (Picks up everyone and throws them out the window.) I am very sorry for the interruption everyone. From this moment on, I am posting a bodyguard named Spike outside my room to keep them all from ever interrupting this story ever again.

Spike: How's it goin?

Gohan209: Now, if you all remember, Hinata is acting OOC because she's sick and tired of playing Shougi with Shikamaru.

"**NOOOOOOOOO!"** Shikamaru cried like Darth Vader in the third Star Wars movie as he watched his beloved Shougi board burn to ashes in the fire place that really shouldn't have been there in the first place. Hinata punched the back of his head and dragged him off to some unknown location.

…………………………

Temari and Neji were sitting at a table and racing remote controlled Nascar cars. Temari was winning.

"Yey! I'm on the 10th lap!" She cheered. Neji just grumbled because he hadn't even finished his first one.

Interrupting their fun-time, okay, so maybe Neji wasn't having fun, but he never has fun anyways, a ham sandwich fell down through the ceiling and landed right in Temari's lap.

"**Sandwich! Yey!"** Temari sat down and happily started munching on her ham sandwich.

"Is there any possible way you could remove my Cursed Seal?" Neji asked the ceiling. Of course, I decided not to answer Neji because he keeps interrupting the story. "Fine, be that way…" He grumbled after several minutes of silence.

…………………………

Three of the Jounins were swaying in their seats and grabbing onto the table to help keep their balance.

"Say, did you guys know that I didn' read that whole scroll ta the kids?" Kakashi asked, his words slurring together.

"**No way…!"** Gai exclaimed, finally falling off his seat and on to the floor.

"Well, there's a P.S. to us teachers from Sunada… Toode… whatevur her name is…" Kakashi muttered, having forgotten how to say Tsunade. "Dis ish what it says…" Kakashi pulled out the scroll.

"Hey… there'sh only tree of us here!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Where's Asuma?" The three of them looked high and low for some sign of him, but he was nowhere to be found., until Kurenai let out an ear-splitting shriek.

"No ways…" She stared into the closet she had just opened.

"What is………. Oh… my… God…… I-I dun know what ta say…" Kakashi stuttered. _(A.N: Beware, may disturb some of you to the point of tears. If you can't take it, please skip down to where it says: 'Uh, as I was sayin…')_

Asuma was inside a broom closet. With him was Jeff, the American baggage holder that worked on the boat. They were hugging and kissing each other… passionately…... 0.o;;; Me thinks he drank **WAY** too much...

"I wuv you Jeff…" Asuma said, kissing him again. Gai, who had just gotten there, ran to the bathroom and spewed a lovely display of flying matter out from his mouth. Kakashi and Kurenai, too stunned to even bother throwing up, just kind of sat there with open eyes.

"Asuma…" Kakashi said. "How many martinis did you drink?" Asuma paused from his, business, and looked at them for the first time.

"Me tinks it weres about 35 inall… maybe it (Hic!) was more…"

"I had tirty-one!" Jeff cried out, waving at them like nothing was the matter.

"Good God man! We's didn' even have **dat** much!" Kakashi cried out, completely horrified. Kakashi grabbed Asuma by the arm and pulled him out of the broom closet.

"Where we goin?" Asuma asked drunkenly. Kakashi pulled out a rope and tied him up as best as he could.

"You gonna stay there til you feel better…" Kakashi walked back to the Martini stand with Kurenai and Gai.

"Uh, as I was sayin…" Kakashi pulled out the scroll again. "Down here at the bottom, it say:

Now, I did send you all with them to help them pair up, but here's the trick. I want you to have as much fun as possible getting them together. Embarrass them, prank them, make ridiculous rules that make them all act funny, and force them together. I hope you four have fun with this! (I also want you to document it all so that I can get a good laugh in!)

Your Hokage,

Tsunade." Kakashi finished reading.

"Ya know, I tink dis is gonna be a fun vacation!" Kurenai cried out, clapping her hands.

"**INDEED! WE SHALL MAKE THEIR YOUTH MOST EMBARESSING!"** Gai began giddily bouncing up and down.

…………………………

Ino and Kankurou were now enjoying the Jacuzzi that no longer had either Shino, or Kin in it! It was really quite weird, you see, one minute Shino's holding Kankurou up in the air, and the next, his sunglasses dissappear and he starts screaming bloody murder. Geez, they're just sunglasses! Then he started to run away with Kin desperately trying to punch him or something.

Well, at least now, they had the Jacuzzi to themselves!

Now, while they thought everything was going just the way they wanted, a black figure snuck up behind them and crouched down, still undetected. He started to fiddle with something on the bottom of the Jacuzzi and began to sneak away, but Ino decided to turn around at that very moment.

"Say... What're you..." She began to ask.

"Think fast!" The figure pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at her. Acting on instinct, Ino raised both hands and caught it.

"What is... **OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD! OHMIGOD!"** She quickly dropped it and swam to the other end of the Jacuzzi, working herself into a frenzy by screaming.

"What is it? A 'scary' rubber ducky?" Kankurou asked, obviously really annoyed.

**"P-P-PIRANHA!"** Ino screamed. Out of the water, a little head with **humungo** teeth emerged from the water.

"D-Don't move..." Kankurou stuttered. The little head swivled around, little gurgly noises coming from its throat. It finally spotted them and gave a gleeful little chirrup. It dunked its head under the water and began swimming towards them like a torpedo. "On second thought, **FLEE!"** Kankurou and Ino began swimming impossibly fastaround the Jacuzzi, the little piranha keeping up with them the whole way.

The black figure started laughing and dropped to his knees, laughing. "I forgot to feed Chomper this morning! I hope you don't mind!" He reached his hands in and brought the little fishy out of the Jacuzzi. "There there Chomper..." He cuddled the evil little fishy. "Those mean people didn't mean to scare you!" He started laughing maniacally and ran off with the carnivourous fish towards the kitchen.

"I'm going to have a heart attack..." Ino said, holding her chest and breathing quickly. "You know, maybe we should get out of the Jacuzzi for today..."

"Agreed." They both jumped out of the Jacuzzi and started to run away. It was a good thing they did too. The black figure had been fiddling with the temperature controls. If they had stayed in there any longer, they would have been cooked alive.

…………………………

Almost everybody met outside the Arcade room, having had their fun for the day. Well, Hinata came to the Arcade room because she was sick of playing Shougi. And of course Shino and Kin weren't there because we all know that Shino is running around clutching his dialated eyes that make him look like a deranged monkey because Gai stole his sunglasses. And the Jounins were too drunk to even try walking. Other than that, everyone was here.

"How do you think Sasuke's doing with, you know, the violent one?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

"Maybe he's dead." Chouji suggested.

**"NOOOOOOO!"** Ino and Sakura sobbed with anime tears running down their faces. **"SASUKE-KUN IS TOO AWSOME AND COOL TO DIE! HE WON'T BE BEATEN BY THAT GIRL NINA!"**

"Actually, there's really no contest." Shikamaru stated. "Sasuke doesn't stand a chance against that ANBU. If I am right in my calculations, even Tsunade would have to put in quite an effort to beat Nina in a match."

"Wow..." Gaara whistled. "That's something."

"Mmm... I like ham sandwiches..." Temari said happily, still eating her ham sandwich.

"I wouldn't mind a ham sandwich too..." Neji muttered. A sandwich fell though the ceiling and right into Neji's hands. He opened it and looked inside. "Yeeyy! Ham!" He happily munched on his ham sandwich. "Can you get rid of my Cursed seal now?"

Everyone looked outside the window and saw a giant billboard sticking up out of the ocean. It said: 'NOT A CHANCE NEJI! Courtesy of Gohan209' At that very moment, Shikamaru woke up and saw the billboard sticking up out of the middle of the ocean.

He opened his mouth to interrupt the story, yet again, but a guy named Spike walked into the room and punched Shikamaru unconscious.

"Sorry man. Just doin my job." Spike saluted them and walked away. I am so glad I hired him...

"Well, let's go check up on Sasuke and see if he's dead yet." Ten-ten said, who was ever so eager to finally see the corpse of the Uchiha. Unfortunately, she was bombarded by Ino and Sakura with facts about why Sasuke would never ever die.

Everyone was amazed at, I still can not stress this enough, how **humungo** the Arcade room was. They looked everywhere, but neither of them were anywhere to be found.

"Hey! Come over here guys!" Lee called out. Oh yeah, he gave up a long time ago trying to get Haku into the Jacuzzi. They both settled with playing Pool instead. Anyways, everyone came over to see what Lee was talking about.

"Oohh..." All four Jounins came in and looked with googly eyes at the door. Luckily, Asuma wasn't drunk anymore so he was horrified at what he had done.

Quite unexpectedly, Shino and Kin came in and looked at the door as well.

**"Shino! Your eyes!"** Kurenai shouted, but Shino held up his hands.

"I'm fine now. You see, I have this second personality named Onish, which is almost Shino spelled backwards. And only **his** eyes are dilated. Mine, on the other hand, are just fine. That's why I always wear sunglasses so that in case Onish ever decides to come out, he isn't blinded." Everyone stared at him blankly.

"But, I thought you just hated the sun since you were a vampire nun that will soon transform into **SUPER-SHINO THE BUGBOY **who will save our worthless planet with his mighty bug-vision who also enjoys the age of Disco!" Kiba insisted.

"I know." Shino said, shrugging his shoulders. He snatched his glasses away from Gai and carefully placed them atop his nose. "Where did you find that information anyhow?"

"Well, I listened to Gohan209 narrate all that stuff about you and," Kiba pulled three different books out of his pocket and held them out for all to see. "I've read Shino's Life; A Biography and I'm also a subscriber to both; ShinoMonthly, and It's a Buggy Buggy World."

"Ah yes, my biography and my twomonthly magazines." Shino moved his glasses up and down a bit. "So Kiba, what do you think about the 'Ask Shino' column I added to Shino Monthlyin March?"

"Pure brilliance! I also like the 'What Bug are You?' questionnaire in back of It's a Buggy Buggy World! I'm a termite!" Kiba said proudly.

"Shino is the owner of two magazines?" Ino asked. "That's ridiculous!"

"And he already has a biography at this age?" Naruto exclaimed. "I thought I was the main character of the show! So why don't I have a biography?" He whined.

"I didn't even know he was famous!" Kurenai said, scratching her head. "And I'm his sensei! Well that settles it! I really am a horrible sensei!"

"Come on! We have to go see if Sasuke-kun's alright!" Sakura whined. Gaara was having a tough time trying not to pummel her into the ground. She was so god damn annoying!

…………………………

Just so you all know, my midterms will be overby Thursday. I am happy to announce that after that, my updates will be back to normal! Yey! Bet you didn't know that Shino has two magazines and an autobiography, did ya? Well, anyways. The next chapter will be all about Sasuke in the Reality Bender. And for those of you who don't know me personally, I can get quite evil when I want to be... (laughs maniacally)

Oh! This is for Sam N.: If you're reading this, then be assured that you will become a guest character in a few chapters. Probably around chapter 7 or 8! I hope you can wait! Till then!

**Edit:** Today, Monday the 23rd, is Shino's birthday! Yey Shino. (goes off to bake a cake)


	6. Sasuke Doesn’t Have Game…

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

On with the story!

**Chpt 6: Sasuke Doesn't Have Game…**

…………………………

"Come on! We have to go see if Sasuke-kun's alright!" Sakura whined. Gaara was having a tough time trying not to pummel her into the ground. She was so god damn annoying!

…………………………

Everyone walked into the room and looked around. White, white, and more white was everywhere. There was so much of thecolor white, some people broke down and had seizures because of the brightness. Then, they stood back up and stopped having seizures because they realized that there wasn't any 'actual' light.

"Hey, what's this?" Temari asked, pointing to the pedestal in the middle of the room. Of course, no one answered her, so she just stood there and stared at it. She was also eating her ham sandwich that she never seems to finish. Naruto turned and looked at the capsules lining the walls. He noticed that a long shiny cord was strung between two of them. He went over and tugged at it, but it didn't move.

**"Naruto! Don't touch it! It might turn into a giant viper and swallow you whole and then spit you out and turn into a giant elephant who will sit on you and then it will maul you with its tusks and poke you with it's trunk and then it will eat you just like the snake did and then it will digest your youthful body slowly in its stomach acids and you will lose your youth and die and then we will never ever ever ever see you ever again!"** Gai cried out.

"Wow. That was one big run-on." Ten-ten commented. Naruto, not wanting to hear Gai's snake and elephant speech a second time in a row, went up to one of the capsules that the cord led up to. Naruto saw a shutter that was shut on the top of the capsule.

"Ayame, go and open it." Ayame stared at him skeptically.

"Why do you want me to open it? Why don't you?"

"I don't wanna open it!" Naruto whined pitifully.

"Then why do you want me to open it if you don't want to open it?"

"I never said I wanted to open it, I just want to look inside it!" Naruto explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'll open it!" Sakura came over and opened the shutter. She stared inside and didn't move.

"What's in it?" Naruto asked. Sakura didn't respond. "Hello?" He waved his hand in front of her face. "Move it! I wanna see!" Naruto shoved Sakura, and she fell over like a domino. **"OH NOES! I KILLED SAKURA-CHAN!"** Gaara started cheering and jumping gleefully.

"She's dead! She's dead! Goodbye you fat forehead!" Gaara sang as he began tap dancing like Luchy, you know, from Luchy Arms Cereal. You know, Luchy the red gnome, cousin of Lucky from Lucky Charms Cereal? Yeah, now that we're on the same page...

At that very moment, everyone, with the exception of Naruto, Lee, and Hinata, realized that they all hated Sakura! I mean, she was the weakest and lamest person on the **entire** show! They all lined up next to Gaara and began tapdancing too! Even Shikamaru joined in! Now that's saying something!

"I never liked her from the start! She just makes things worse than they already were!" Kakashi said to Asuma as they both tapdanced.

_**(A.N: Warning! Spoiler from the manga below! If you don't want to read a spoiler, please skip down to where it says:** _**I'm a genius with an I.Q. over 200.")**

"Wait a second..." Kankurou stopped dancing, tripping up the whole tapdancing line and starting the whole domino effect. "Doesn't 15 year old Sakura save me from dying once?"

"Oh yeah! Gaara had a brainblast. "Doesn't she kill Sasori and save Chiyo who eventually comes and brings me back from the dead?"

"So wait, if we killed her today, then that means that she will never save Kankurou and Gaara in the anime, therefore they will be killed off in the anime. That also means that Temari will enter a state of depression from her only family members dying. Also, since no one goes and fights Sasori, Sasori will probably gang up with other Akatsuki members and kill off even more of us in the anime! Therefore, we will never get to Gaara, so he will stay dead. Then, Akatsuki would have the Shukaku and have more Akatsuki members than they do in the manga. Then, they will get powerful enough to take on Orochimaru and kill him off, and then take Sasuke and Kabuto and convert them into Akatsuki members. Wait, but what would the conflict between Sasuke and Itachi be? The whole Akatsuki would be chaotic and they will crumble from the inside. So, in the end, Akatsuki and Orochimaru, along with all of us,are erased off the face of this Earth." Shikamaru stated.

"And you came up with that how?" Kiba asked. "Isn't that a little bit much to presume?"

"I'm a genius with an I.Q. over 200. I think I know what I'm talking about." Everyone realized that without grownup Sakura, no matter how lame she was as a kid, was an important addition to the Naruto gang.

"We've just condemned ourselves." Shino said plainly.

**"I'M A BAD PERSON!"** Naruto began crying.

**"WE MUST GO AND REDEEM OURSELVES IN THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE!"** Lee yelled out.

"Say, what does this have to do with us?" Kin asked Tayuya and Haku.

"I don't know... We're bad guys so we're supposed to be killing off the good guys!" Haku began to sulk.

**"SHUT UP YOU THREE RUFIANS! WE MUST GO AND REDEEM OUR YOUTH!"** Gai yelled at them.

So, to redeem their youth, they went to church and read the bible, confessed their sins, and prayed for forgiveness. Of course, we all know that Shino feels right at home here since he is a nun sworn to silence.

"Hey? How does an entire church fit inside a cruise ship?" Neji asked.

"Well, it really doesn't because the author..." Shikamaru saw Spike around a corner crack his knuckles. "I mean, Neji! Isn't it obvious how a church fits inside a cruise ship?"

"Uh... no?"

"Well..." Shikamaru gulped. "It fits because this ship is** humungo!"** Spike gave Shikamaru the thumbs up sign and disappeared from sight. Shikamaru wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed in relief.

**"Quick! Let's go see if we can bring Sakura back to life!"** Everyone ran helter-skelter back to the game room and stood over Sakura's body.

**"CLEAR!"** Kurenai came into the room wearing a very skimpy nurse outfit and holding two little electric pad, thingies. You know, the things that are supposed to make your heart start back up? Yeah, those. Kurenai pressed the thingies on Sakuras feet and glued them on with quick dry cement. Everyone stared at Sakura, waiting to see if she would get up.

"You know, you look pretty sexy like that Kurenai..." Asuma's nose began to bleed as he peeked under her skirt.

**"PERVERT!"** Kurenai trurned around and swung a hammer, that she got out of nowhere, and smashed his head til' she couldn't smash no more.

"You've got to be more like me Asuma! If you're gonna be a pervert, be secretive about it!" That's the what the sign said that Kakashi was holding up. Currently, he was peeking at Kurenai while she was smashing Asuma with her hammer. She turned around angrily, and only saw Kakashi giggling at his book. She turned back again, and Kakashi lowered his book. This continued for several minutes until Kurenai had finished beating Asuma with her hammer and Asuma looked like **pound** cake! Haha! Get it? **Pound** cake? Yeah, I know. Not funny...

Sakura yawned and opened her eyes. She stared at her feet and was like, "..."

"What are these on my feet?"

"Your heart stopped, so we glued heart starters to your feet." Chouji explained while Sakura was still like, "..."

"Why my feet?" She tried tugging them off and instead, got an electrical shock.

"They were convieniently there." Kurenai pointed out.

"Geez, why'd you fall over?" Naruto asked Sakura.

"B-because..." Sakura sniffled and pointed towards the capsule she had looked in. Naruto went over and peeked in. Inside was Sasuke with a black mask covering half of his face. Wires were sticking out of various limbs while red lights consistantly scanned his body. All in all, it looked pretty high tech.

"What happens if I poke it?" Temari asked. She was still looking at the pedestal in the middle of the room. She poked it witha finger, and the top creaked open. "Why does 'Watch Progress' mean?"

"I don't know." Neji crossed his arms and looked sour, like he always does. So, Temari went ahead and poked it. A whirring sound echoed throughout the entire room and a screen appeared out of the wall. It covered the length of the entire wall, and it was flatscreen! Cool...

An image flickered to life, and they were looking out over a large, icy mountain. It zoomed in on a little black speck clinging to the edge of the mountain. It was Sasuke

.…………………………

Sasuke clambered over icy, rocky ground as Nina chased after him, an evil grin plastered on her face and her hands glowing with a bloody red light.

**"Come on Sasuke! Put a little more effort into this!"** She appeared out of nowhere in front of him, and held her hands in front of her in clawlike positions, one on top of the other. **"It's just a game!"** An avalanch started and Sasuke shrieked a girly, well, shriek!

**"YOU'RE INSANE!" **Sasuke cried out as he ran haphazardly over an especially slippery patch of ice.** "YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME!"**

**"So what's the problem?"** She asked as she easily kept pace with him, bothkeeping ahead ofthe avalanch. **"The game will just restart and if you want, we can go to a different level!"**

**"I DON'T CARE! I WANT OUT OF THIS DAMN REALITY THING! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SLAUGHTER ME OVER AND OVER!"** The ground below Sasuke's feet gave way, and before he realized it, he was hanging for his life on the edge of the mountain. **"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M GONNA DIE!"**

**"Do I have to explain the whole 'It's not really happening' thing again?"**

**"THE AVALANCH!"** Sasuke yelled and closed his eyes.

**"My God! You're horrible at this game! Do you even understand the concept of 'Reality Bending'?" **Nina shrugged and held out her hand in the direction of the avalanch. A soon as the snow hit her still red hands, it simply sprayed out in all directions, forming almost a shower of snow around her, leaving her unscathed. **"Do you get it? You can do whatever you want!"** She looked down at the trembling Sasuke and started laughing.

**"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"** Sasuke shouted over the wind.

**"Your little friends are watching us!"** Sasuke turned around and his face paled. A little black video moniter floated in the air behind him, and he could see everyone staring out at him.

"Sasuke... Is that you?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

**"YES DOBE! NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS GAME BEFORE SHE KILLS ME!"** Sasuke yelled frantically at the screen.

"Sasuke, you don't have game!"Everyone started pointing and laughing.

**"SASUKE DOESN'T HAVE GAME! SASUKE'S LOSING CAUSE HE DON'T GOT GAME!"** They all chanted, with the exception of Sakura and Ino who were in tears.

**"WHY I OUGHTA!"** Sasuke took a swipe at the floating screen, but he forgot he was hanging off a mountain, therefore losing his grip and falling off into oblivion. Nina sighed and jumped right off after him.

"Why in the world did you jump off the cliff? Trying to commit suicide because you knew I'd beat you?" Nina laughed as Sasuke tried to punch her while falling. Of course, Sasuke sucks at playing this game, so Nina just moved herself by, obviously, bending reality.

**"WELL, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE FOR JUMPING OFF THE EDGE?"**

"Because I'm good at this game and I wanted to laugh at you when you go splat on the ground." Nina giggled like one of those girly-girls. "The graphics in this game are perfect, so I want to see your expression when you hit the ground." Nina pointed downwards. "It's coming up awfully fast, don't you think?"

Sasuke looked down and saw that the ground was indeedgetting rather close.

"Goodbye Sasuke-**kun!"** She added the kun part to annoy him. He watched as red dots of light gathered and attached themselves to her back. Theymolded like clay to form shimmering red wings that flapped up and down to slow her decent, while Sasuke kept falling.

"I hate you." Sasuke muttered before everything went black.

.…………………………

Sasuke awoke in the white capsule with the door of the capsule open and everyone staring at him.

**"Sasuke! You suck teme!"** Naruto yelled out from the back of the room.

"Honestly, you're horrible at that game!" Sasuke glared as Nina pushed herself out of her capsule. "I thought it was obvious that you just think something, and it happens! That's why it's called the 'Reality Bender'!" She smirked as she saw Sasuke's face darken. "I thought the Uchiha prodigy would be somewhat of a challenge."

"Maybe not in a video game," Sasuke growled. "But in real life..." A thought struck Sasuke. "Wanna duke it out?"

"Sure. Anytime, any place." Nina replied confidently, a bloodthirsty look in her eyes.

"How about..."

"Nope! Not gonna happen." Kakashi said as he crossed his arms. "There will be no training, or fighting on this vacation."

"Wait a second." Neji and Ten-ten said at the same time. **"NO TRAINING?"**

"Why of course not. In fact, you're not allowed to spend more than five minutes with someone else who isn't your partner unless eveyone's partner is there too." Kakashi explained.

"Wow, that made no sense whatsoever." Kiba scratched his head.

"Let me put it this way with these adorable little drawings!" Asuma pulled out a whiteboard and a marker.

"This is pair one. The boy's name is 1A, and the girl's name is 1B."

**"Those aren'tvery good names!"** Lee cried out from the back of the room.

"Lee, it's just a demonstration." Asuma sighed, but then good old Gai had to intervene.

**"They must have proper names so as to express their youthfullness!" **Gai shouted, putting out a thumbs up sign.

"Okay then, 1A is Bill, and 1B is Tommy."

**"Ew! That means that they're gay!"** Ino cried out.

"No they're not." Asuma chewed his cigarette.

**"But you just said that 1B was a girl! Tommy isn't a girl's name!"** Naruto argued back.

"Listen, the names don't really matter..."

**"That means that she's a crossdresser!"** Kiba yelled out, plainly disgusted.

"Alright fine. 1A is Bill, and 1B is Margret." Asuma grunted. "The other two, 2A being Tommy and 2B being Jennifer."

"Those names sound funny. Do they come from that America place?" Kankurou asked. Asuma glared angrily at him.

"Is there a problem with that?" Asuma asked, biting down on his cigarette angrily.

"Yes." Asuma picked up the eraser and wiped off the faulty names he had given them.

"Fine. So that I can get this over with,1A is Kankurou, 1B is Ino. 2A is Sasuke, 2B is Nina."

"Hey! Why do I get second billing?" Nina asked angrily.

"How come I don't get any billing at all?" Naruto asked sadly. "I'm the main charecter of the show! I want to be in it!"

**"SHUT UP! IT'S ONLY A DEMONSTRATION!"** Everyone grew silent as they saw Asuma's blood pressure was going over the edge.

"Now, if Ino leaves Kankurou behind to go with Sasuke, she can not stay with him for longer than five minutes and vice versa. Nina goes to Kankurou, they can only stay with each other for no more than five minutes and vice versa. If for some unknown reason, Sasuke and Kankurou want to hang out, or Nina and Ino want to hang out, again, they can not do that for more than five minutes. However, if both Nina and Sasuke want to hang out with Kankurou and Ino, then they can do that for however long they want. The point is, you can not leave your 'assigned person', for more than five minutes."

"Assigned person?" Kin asked annoyedly. "Why don't you just say 'Forced Boyfriend', or 'Forced Girlfriend'? Why are you trying to hide that from us behind some fancy words?"

"How about we just say 'vacation buddy'?" Kakashi asked with a smile.

"That's not what I..."

"Alright! Vacation buddy it is then!" Kakashi interupted.

"Uh, Kurenai-sensei! T-there's a problem..." Hinata spoke up. "What happens w-when one of us has to go to the b-bathroom?" Her face turned red.

"Umm..." The room went silent as everyone realized that they were chained together. Even with Nina's streching jutsu, that would mean that the door to thebathroom wouldn't close shut. Oh dear lord... "I don't know! One of you closes your eyes?" Kurenai said nervously.

"Get ready to hold it allin until we get to the island!" Kakashi said happily. He didn't really understand that that was unapropriate to say in such a situation.

"I'm so going to become a missing-nin." Chouji said through a mouthful of chips because he has to say **something** this chapter!

"We now officially hate you all." Neji glared at all the teachers.

.…………………………

Well, let's just see how they handle this, shall we? I've said it in my other fic, and I'll say it here. My midterms are over, (yeys!) so that means updates will be back to normal! Hooray! Next chapter will shock and amaze you all! Alright, It'll be pretty strange, but it'll be funny! Till then!


	7. OMG! Fatheaded Fairies and Bonding Time

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

kaitou angel: Hmm, sure! I'll add some in! Not a ton since I'm not too big on this pairing, but since I pulled them out of the hat, it is my duty to do so. It'll come up later in the story though, but there will be some eventually!

On with the story!

**Chpt 7: OMG! Fatheaded Fairies and Bonding Time!**

…………………………

"We now officially hate you all." Neji glared at all the teachers.

…………………………

On the tiny island of Itsy-Bitsy Land, there have been two different inhabitants since the beginning of time. The peaceful and intelligent race of 'MagicalCoconutsWhoWearLampshadesAndRideOnTheWingsOfOverlyLargeSparrowians', and their arch nemeses, the 'EvilFatheadedFairiesWhoHaveLessIntelligenceThanAPeanutians'. For short, we'll call them the Magical Coconuts who Wear Lampshades and the Fatheaded Fairies.

Now, the Magical Coconuts who wear Lampshades are a very smart, intelligent, and magical group of coconuts. Since they can not walk about, because they don't have any legs, they depend on their overly large, magically bred, sparrows to transport them from one place to another.

On the other hand, we have the Fatheaded Fairies. They are a very queer race with large, oversized heads. They fly around and cause havoc and mayhem wherever they go. However, since their heads are so large, they are running out of living room on the tiny island of Itsy-Bitsy Land. So, they have been bombarding the peaceful and intelligent race of Magical Coconuts, trying to eliminate the small race of coconuts.

The leader of these Fatheaded Fairies, is John. John wears a red sweatshirt all the time and a pair of blue jeans. John is the leader of the Fatheads because he has the fattest head of all. In fact, if it got any larger, you could consider it, not a head, but a beach ball.

On this particular evening, John sat on the beach with a large glass of lemonade and stared at the waves that crashed on the island of Itsy-Bitsy Land.

"What a nice sunset this is." John sighed. "Work harder!" He rapped the Fatheaded Fairy on his left who was fanning him with a giant fan as hard as he could. "It's hot tonight!"

"Sir! There's a thing washing up on the beach!" The Fairy yelled, looking out to sea.

"I wonder what it could be?" John got up to his feet and trotted over to where a large 'thing' was being brought in by the tide. John bent down and made a disgusted face. It looked like a guy who had been hit by a car or something.

"Looks like roadkill." The other Fairy commented, plugging his nose.

"**Silence!** I make the decisions around here!" John yelled at the poor Fairy. John took a closer look at the thing. "I have decided that it looks like roadkill."

"But I just…"

"**SILENCE!"** John yelled again. "I wonder what kind of creature it was…" John rolled the corpse on the ground until its face was looking up at the sky. "Looks like a human with a big sword on his back that has been squished flat by a truck." John tapped it carefully.

"I shall bring it back to life!" John exclaimed, holding his wand up to the sky.

"With all due respect sir, I don't believe that's a good…"

"**DO NOT QUESTION ME!"** John picked up the fairy and began to scream in his face. **"I SHALL BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, AND YOU SHALL DEAL WITH IT!"**

John threw the Fairy on the ground gasping for air and clutching his throat. John lifted up his wand and poked the body. A pretty sparkly light came out along with corny Barbie music. You know, that lame music that comes with almost **every** stupid electronic Barbie toy?

The body inflated like a balloon and its eyes opened as if from a deep sleep.

"**It is alive!"** John cackled like a mad scientist. **"My creation! It's alive!"** The no-longer-dead-guy stood up and scratched his head.

"Where am I? What happened?" He peered down closely at John. "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"I am John, the king of the Fatheaded Fairies! What is your name my dear fellow?" John asked, pointing a finger at him.

"It's Zabuza, I think…" He looked around confusedly. "That's right!" He snapped his fingers. "I came back to life and got hit by a truck, and now I'm alive again! Uh, how am I alive again?"

"I brought you back from the dead! Therefore, I am your creator and master! **You shall obey me!"**

"Uh, no. I don't think so." Zabuza picked up the untied bandages around his neck and began to tightly wrap them around his neck and mouth.

"**WHAT? I AM YOUR MASTER!"** John yelled angrily.

"I obey no one but myself. Thanks for bringing me back and all, but you've got it all wrong."

"**NOOOOO! WHY WILL YOU NOT OBEY ME?"** John cried and fell to his knees.

"Oh shut up." Zabuza grumbled. He was starting to get annoyed.

"**OBEY ME!"** John pointed his musical 'Barbie' wand at Zabuza, who was still tying up his loose bandages.

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP!"** Zabuza swung his sword from his back and chopped off John's fat head. He watched satisfied, as John's head made a plopping sound in the sand.

"**That wasn't very nice!"** John's headless body put his hands on his hips.** "In fact, it was downright rude!"**

"How are you still talking if I chopped your head off?" Zabuza asked, scratching his head in confusion. "In fact, how are you alive at all?"

"Well, I'm a fathead!"

"No, you don't have a head anymore."

"Yes I do." John's neck moved a little, and crimson blood sprayed out in all directions.

"No you don't."

"I do so have a head."

"I just chopped it off!"

"I have an invisible head now." Zabuza blinked and slapped his face.

"Never mind. You're just wasting my time. I have something more important to do than argue with a headless… what is it you were called?"

"Fatheaded Fairy."

"Right. What you said." Zabuza clicked his sword back onto his back and turned towards the ocean. "I'm getting away from this freakshow!" He began to run on the ocean, away from the island of Itsy-Bitsy Land.

He held a hand up to his face and closed his eyes. Zabuza concentrated on trying to find the chakra signature known as Kakashi. After about two minutes, he found him. From what he could tell, Kakashi was moving south rapidly on some sort of boat.

"I'm coming for you, Kakashi!" Zabuza said with menace.

"Well, he was a nice man!" John said, waiting for the other Fairy to get his head for him.

"Um, sir. There's a problem with your head." He said, brushing the sand off it.

"What problem?"

"It's deflated. Pretty flat too.

"Flat huh?" John puzzled over this for a moment. "I've got it! From now on, I am the Flatheaded king of the Fatheads!" He grabbed his flat head and screwed it tightly in place on his neck.

Yeah, that's nice. How about we get back to the Naruto gang, shall we?

…………………………

"Nighty night kids!" The Jounin pushed the last of their students into their rooms and locked the doors shut.

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" Kakahi exclaimed, pulling what looked like a giant remote control out of his pocket. He pressed a big red button in the center, and a bleeping sound came from every room. "Don't try using any chakra or any jutsu kids! It won't work! I just programmed your handcuffs to prevent any of that from happening!" Kakashi said cheerfully. Groans of dismay were heard from every room. "Now remember! Don't try leaving your rooms! Lights out by midnight!"

"**BITE ME!"** Tayuya yelled from her room with Chouji.

**Shikamaru and Hinata**

"I'm going to bed." Shikamaru promptly sat down on his side of the bed and crossed his arms behind his head.

"Shikamaru-kun… can you u-uncross your arms?" Hinata asked. When Shikamaru had put his arms behind his head, he had dragged Hinata on to the bed at an awkward angle.

"Oh. Sure." He took his arms out from behind his head and laid them down by his side. They both sat on the bed on a while until Hinata spoke up.

"Um, what do y-you think about this whole thing, Shikamaru-kun?" She asked timidly.Honestly, that girl has got to get some more self esteem...Shikamaru sat up with a smile on his face.

"I think it's great! It's the best thing that has ever happened to me! I think the Hokage should get a special award for coming up with such a thing!" He said enthusiastically with a big smile on his face.

"R-really?" Hinata said, somewhat freaked out by Shikamaru's sudden change of character.

"No." He grunted, falling back onto the bed. "I think it's troublesome." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Very troublesome."

**Chouji and Tayuya**

"I'm hungry." Chouji muttered, rubbing his stomach after a rather loud rumbling sound came out.

"Whatever, you fat ass…" Tayuya muttered under her breath.

"What did you say…?" Chouji growled.

"Why don't you figure that out for yourself?" Tayuya sighed and fell down on the bed. "What did I do to deserve this?" She asked herself.

"You were evil and tried to kill me and my best friends. That's why you deserve this."

"I didn't ask for your damn input."

"You should stop swearing so much."

"And there we go again!" Tayuya began to rant. "You're just like Jiroubou! Don't say shit! It's not ladylike! Don't say damn, it's not a nice word! Don't..." Tayuya was cut off as Chouji sat on her. **"WTF!"** Her muffled scream came from under Chouji.

"You're annoying me with all your talking. If you had just stopped talking, I wouldn't be sitting on you." Chouji ignored her protests and sat there just to bug her.

**"OKAY! THAT'S IT!"** Tayuya bodily lifted Chouji off of her and threw him to the other side of the room. Unfortunately, for that split second, she forgot that they were handcuffed together, and she ended up tossing herself off the bed as well.

**Kankurou and Ino**

"So." Kankurou began. "How are you tonight?" He asked Ino. They were both sitting crosslegged on the bed and facing each other.

"This is, what, the ninth time you've asked me that?" Ino stared at him, obviously disgruntled. "I'm the same as I was several minutes ago. Very pissed off."

"Fair enough." Kankurou shrugged. "So. What do you want to do? It's only about 9:00 anyways."

"There's nothing to do." Ino muttered, crossing her arms.

"We could watch TV." Kankurou suggested.

"There's no TV to watch."

"Yes there is. It's in that panel in the wall." They got up and Kankurou showed her how a panel in the wall was really a cabinet with a TV inside it. Complete with both a VCR and DVD player.

"It doesn't really matter. There isn't any cable in the middle of the ocean." Ino wrould rather just sit on the bed and be misreable than watch a movie with him.

"Geez! You ever heard of movies?" Kankurou pulled out one. The title was 'Weight Watchers Extreme! How to Make Your Fat Simply Melt Away!' Kankurou blinked several times.

"Oh gee! I would love to watch that one!" Ino said sarcastically. "You know just how much I love to watch my weight!"

"Is that why you're so skinny?" Kankurou asked, not really understanding what Ino was saying. Ino's face darkened quickly. But before she could unleash hell on Kankurou, a loud thump came from the room next to them.

**"AIIEEE!"** Ino cried like a little girl and jumped high into the air. Just like Tayuya, Ino forgot they were handcuffed together, so she ended up falling to the floor. This also resulted in pulling Kankurou to the ground as well. On top of her.

**"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY EYE!"** Kankurou yelled, trying to pry the heel of her palm off his eye socket.

**"NOT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF MY FACE!"** Kankurou's foot was sticking up at a funny angle right under Ino's chin and just above her neck. Obviously, this was uncomfotable for the both of them, so, being the geniuses they are, they began to yell at each other, just making the situation worse than it already was.

**Kiba and Ten-ten**

"You hear something?" Kiba asked Ten-ten.

"Sounds like someone's arguing about limbs being in the wrong places." Ten-ten said absentmindedly as she polished several of her weapons.

"Ew... That's horrible!" Kiba made a gagging sound. "That came out so wrong!" Ten-ten sighed and smacked her face.

"That's not what I meant. I mean as in a hand in an eye, you know, that kind of thing."

"Oh." Kiba corrected his mental image and sat there quietly. Quietly? Kiba? That's unusual... Either that, or, **he's been brainwashed by Evil Mutant Sluggy Men! **And not just any Evil Sluugy Men, but _Albino _Evil Mutant Sluggy Men. Yeah...

"I'm bored." Kiba sighed and leaned on his hand. Ten-ten turned and threw a kunai right in front of his face, cutting off a small lock of his hair. He gulped as the kunai made a sharp twang in the wall and his small strands of hair floated down to the bed.

**"What was that for?"** Kiba yelled, gasping as if he had just run a marathon.

"Well, you're not bored now, are you?" She asked, holding up another kunai. "I'll keep you on your toes."

"N-no! I'm good." Kiba waved his arms frantically.

**Shino and Kin**

"..." Shino stared at Kin from behind his sunglasses.

"..." Kin nervously turned away from Shino's stare, or was it a glare? She wasn't sure.

"..." Shino still stared at Kin, not budging an inch.

"..." Kin fiddled with a strand of hair and tried to ignore Shino.

"..." Shino persistantly stared at her.

"..." Kin fidgeted nervously and scooched a little to the left.

"..." Shino_ still_ stared at Kin.

"..." Kin hunched over and clenched her fists. What did he want from her? Well, she wasn't going to talk.

"..." Shino was being, well, himself. And of course, he was _still_ staring at Kin.

"..." Kin was starting to lose it and began to pull at her hair.

"..." Shino still stared at Kin because it's now obvious he has nothing better to do with his life.

**"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"** Kin cried out, bursting into tears. **"YOU KEEP STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"** She clutched at her face like an insane person.** "THE EYES! THE EYES! THOSE HORRIBLE, EVIL, FOCUSED EYES!"** Kin screamed, bordering the edge of insanity.

"...zz..." Shino made a curious buzzy sound. Kin stopped her ranting and poked Shino's shoulder. He fell over in a heap on the bed and his sunglasses slid off his face. To Kin's utter annoyance, they were indeed closed. Apparently, he hadn't been staring at Kin, but was actually asleep the whole time. Kin fell over anime style on the bed and started to twitch.

**Naruto and Ayame**

Well, nothing much to say about them. Naruto was bragging about how great he is, and how lame Sasuke is. Ayame, well, Naruto didn't notice that she had already passed out from boredom. Yup. Like I said. Nothing too interesting here.

**Gaara and Sakura**

Gaara sat crosslegged on the bed and going through some meditation techniques. Sakura, on the other hand, was sitting next to him in terror while hyperventilating spastically. Gaara's eyebrows knitted together as her sharp gasps penetrated his concentration. He opened his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Sakura screamed in terror.

"Would you please..."

**"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"**

"Please st..."

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

"Would you just..."

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Gaara raised an eyebrow and scratched his forehead. What would be the best possible way to shut her up? A thought struck him, and he grinned. Why not wait until she passes out from lack of oxygen? Sakura continued to scream non-stop while Gaara waited for the inevitable to occur.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**(gasp! hack! cough!)**HHHHHHH! AAHHHH! AHH! AH! Ahhh...** (sputter.) Sakura ran out of air and fell over, passing out from lack of oxygen. Drool came out from the corner of her mouth while her eyes were little x's. The x's that dead people have instead of normal eyes. That's the second time today!

"Finally!" Gaara exclaimed happily. "Sweet silence at last!" He didn't see it, but some of his fangirls cheered happily outside the window. Unfortunately, I pushed them off the side of the boat and left them there to drown because Gaara needs quiet so he can meditate. Besides, Gaara is mine! **Mine! You hear me?** Oh, and Neji is mine too... **So stay away from both of them! THEY ARE MINE! **(glomps both Gaara and Neji because I wuv dem! Even if Neji is a cold-hearted bastard...) Okay, I'm good.

**Sasuke and Nina**

Sasuke was burying his face inhis book so as to keep Nina in a somewhat non-violent mood. Nina looked up from studying her scrolls, and became confused when Sasuke looked like he was about to cry. Nina tried to look at the title of the book, but it was hidden by a blackbook cover. She became even more suspicious as Sasuke wiped away a tear that was streaming down his cheeks.

"What in the world are you reading?" Nina asked, genuinely curious as to what it was.

"N-Nothing!" Sasuke hastily shut his book and stared innocently at her. However, it wasn't all that convincing since his eyes were all red and puffy from crying.

"What are you reading?" Nina asked again.

"I said i-it was nothing!" Sasuke looked as though he was about to burst into tears again. Nina shrugged and went back to her scroll, but as soon as she did, Sasuke opened his book again. She listened closely and heard Sasuke softly say something that sounded suspiciously like, "Bridget! No!" Nina vowed right then and there to find out what he was reading. Even if it killed her.

**Neji and Temari**

Neji sat there and looked through the walls with his Byakugan while Temari ranted on and on about how Neji was to treat her. Neji almost laughed as he saw Ino jump up and drag Kankurou down with her. Her hand hit his eye, while his foot got lodged under her chin. They started a shouting match that just made things worse.

"Are you even listening to me?" Temari whacked Neji harshly on the head. "Now, I don't plan on..."

"Well, would you look at that!" Neji's cold front broke as he doubled over laughing.

"What?" Temari asked. She couldn't imagine what she was missing out on.

"I-Ino and Kankurou are having a bit of t-technical difficulty!" Neji's stomach ached from the laughing. "Their handcuffs just g-got jammed under th-their bed!"

"What are you talking about?" Temari scratched her head.

"Well, the chain of their handcuffs got wedged under a post of the bed, and they can't get it out!"

**Kankurou and Ino (again)**

"Well, this sucks." Kankurou and Ino's arms were streched upwards since their handcuffs were wedged there. Their faces were turned towards each other, and they were both shooting angry faces at each other.

"It's all your fault!" Ino grumbled.

"My fault!" Kankurou said shockingly. "If you weren't so jumpy, then we wouldn't be stuck here!"

"Well you wanted to watch TV!"

"Yeah, but I didn't pull us both down to the ground!" And so they continued to argue while they really should have been trying to find a way to get loose.

**Lee and Haku**

"What's it like being a villan?" Lee asked Haku.

"You try and kill off the good guys, and...yeah..." Haku left it at that.

"That's it?"

"Pretty much. We usually die in the end too."

"That's a horrible role for a character!" Lee crossed off the role of 'villian' from his list of what he wants to be when he grows up. That, and librarian. Libraries were too quiet for his taste. Then, theydidabsolutely nothing exciting for the rest of the night. Why? Because I'm too lazy to make up anything else for them to doand I just ran out of ideas for this chapter

.…………………………

Well, Zabuza's alive (again) and is out for vengence. And by the looks of it, our favorite ninjas are going crazy. Well, that's what makes this story fun. Next chapter is where my friend Sam gets his moment of fame. Hope you can wait Sam! And in chapter nine, EarthenAngel makes her appearence into the story! Yey! Hope you all can wait! Till then!


	8. I'm Out Shopping

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

EarthenAngel: Kakashi with a British accent? Now that, would be awesome… And I'm sorry root beer sprayed out of your nose. Stuff like that really stings. (At least it wasn't Mountain Dew! That happened to me once, ehehe… There wasn't an eww loud enough…)

On with the story!

**Chpt 8: I'm Out Shopping…**

…………………………

"That's a horrible role for a character!" Lee crossed off the role of 'villain' from his list of what he wants to be when he grows up. That, and librarian. Libraries were too quiet for his taste. Then, they did absolutely nothing exciting for the rest of the night. Why? Because I'm too lazy to make up anything else for them to do and I just ran out of ideas for this chapter

…………………………

Gohan209: Yey! It's time for another FUNTASTIC chapter of Right out of a Hat! Let's get…

Temari and Neji: **WE WANT MORE HAM SANDWICHES!**

Gohan209: **SPIKE! WHERE ARE YOU?**

Neji: Oh. Spike's out on his lunch break. How else do you think we got in here?

Temari: We finished those ham sandwiches you gave us. Please sir, may we have some more?

Gohan209: Why did Spike have to leave now? T.T And Temari, I can't be a 'sir' if I'm a girl, and I absolutely **hate** Oliver Twist!

Neji: Hate is such a strong word.

Gohan209: Oh? Then what do you call your feelings towards the Main House? Hm?

Neji: Evil fate-induced madness. Well… yeah, I hate them.

Gohan209: Hypocrite… Now, both of you get out of here! Shoo!

Neji: Don't you mean, shoe?

Gohan209: No, I mean shoo, as in **GET OUT!** (Picks them both up and throws them out my suddenly oversized window.)

Temari: Those were kage bunshin, you know.

Gohan209: (Looks out window and sees kage bunshin explode in a puff of smoke.) Curses! Wait a minute, Naruto is the only one who knows the kage bunshin, unless you guys are hiding something…

Neji: Nah, we still can't do kage bunshin. Naruto's renting his kage bunshin out for five dollars per clone.

Gohan209: (shrugs) Who knew?

Temari: So… Are we gonna get our ham sandwiches yet?

Gohan209: I'm guessing that you guys won't leave me alone until I get you some, right?

Temari and Neji: Yup.

Gohan209: (sighs) Alright, alright… (walks over to fridge and pulls out meat drawer) Uh, bad news guys. I'm out of ham. Will you settle for turkey?

Temari: Nope. It has to be ham.

Gohan209: But! But! I don't have time to run out to the store! I have to write this chapter!

Neji: Why don't you have someone write the story for you while you're gone? Someone like me?

Gohan209: Ah, no. There is no way I would **ever** trust you with writing the story. You'd probably try and nuke Hinata! (Smacks Neji because he grinned at that statement.) Wait one second. (Grabs phone and dials in some numbers.)

Temari: Are you calling that Empire Carpeting place?

Neji: Oh! I love that commercial! It has such a catchy little jingle! 1-800-588-2300- Empire! Today!

Gohan209: Shut up you two! (Starts to talk into phone.) Hi there! Is this Sam?

Sam: Speaking. Is that you Amanda? How are you?

Neji: Your name's Amanda? I didn't know that…

Gohan209: **Shut up Neji! I'm on the phone! **Eh, I could be better. Listen, I have a favor to ask you.

Sam: Sure. What is it?

Gohan209: Neji and Temari are bugging me, so could you write this chapter while I go to the store and buy some ham?

Sam: Ham? Why ham?

Gohan209: They want ham sandwiches.

Sam: Why don't you just make turkey sandwiches?

Gohan209: Apparently, turkey isn't good enough for them. And, I just need you to write until I get back from the store. Then I'll take over.

Sam: Sure. I'll be right over.

Gohan209: (Hangs up phone.) Alright. We just have to wait until Sam…

Sam: Present.

Gohan209: **AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!** (Jumps up several feet in the air) How did you get here so fast?

Sam: I was in your closet.

Gohan209: You, were in my closet? O.O

Sam: Yeah, I live there.

Gohan209: You live in my closet? 0.o; Never mind. Sam, I'm gonna go now, so could you please start writing?

Sam: Sure thing! See you when you get back!

Gohan209: Thanks a lot! (Jumps onto bicycle because I'm not old enough to drive yet. TT)

Sam: As Amanda always says at the beginning of her chapters; On with the story!

Neji: Say, what is your chapter going to be about?

Sam: Oh, you'll see…

**Chpt 7: Rock Lee Rules! Sam Style!**

"**WHAT?"** Neji yelled, but then he stopped yelling because he realized that the chapter started and is now talking in third person and is on the cruise boat.

"Say Neji, when will we get our ham sandwiches?" Temari asked, annoyed that she would have to wait to get her hammy goodness.

Narrator (Sam): Now, today was like any normal day, except for one tiny detail.

"We have a narrator?" Neji asked, scratching his head.

"Apparently." Temari shrugged in confusion.

Narrator: That tiny detail, was that there was a fashion show today!

The walls of the rooms disappeared, and all the ninjas were sitting, still handcuffed, in folding chairs. The lights dimmed, and two spotlights shone down from the ceiling, lighting up the walkway that appeared out of nowhere.

"Our first, and only contestant for this show, is the dazzling, the awesome, the youthful, Rock Lee!" Jeff shouted into a microphone.

"Excuse me?" Just about everyone said at once. "Did you say…"

"**ROCK LEE! THE YOUTHFUL AWSOME… UH… YOUTHFUL GAI-SENSEI CLONE!"** Lee came out from behind some curtains wearing what looked like a giant fur coat that reached to the floor. Poor, poor Haku was still stuck there because she is handcuffed to Lee.

"**LEE!"** Gai cried from the sidelines.** "SHOW OFF THAT YOUTHFUL FLAME AND MAKE ME PROUD!"**

"**YES! GAI-SENSEI!"** Lee made a fist in the air and had anime tears streaming down his cheeks.

"First up on our program for tonight, is, winter fashion!" Jeff cried out, looking up from his program. Lee struck a pose in his oversized jacket, and began to strut up the walkway, dragging Haku along.

Gaara's forehead twitched spastically because this was really quite disturbing. Sakura looked rather ill. Shikamaru was complaining. Hinata poked her fingers together, like she always does, and looked away. Chouji was eating a bag of BBQ chips, and of course, wasn't sharing any of them. Tayuya was cursing at everything saw, because, that's just what she does. Naruto was laughing his head off until his gut ached. Ayame sat their confused, not knowing what to do in such a situation. Kankurou and Ino? Well, they weren't exactly there. They were still mercifully stuck under the bed post, far away from the fashion show. Of course, they're still arguing, but at least they don't have to watch this. Temari wasn't even paying attention and was thinking about her ham sandwich. Neji and Ten-ten were both doing a group hurl over the back of their chairs. Kiba was staring at both Neji and Ten-ten, and not at Lee because it was just too scary to watch. Sasuke was crying because Nina was wringing his arm so hard that it felt like it was going to snap.

And last but not least, dear old Shino was like, "No.". Kin also, was like, "No.". In fact, and I know this may amaze some of you, they were both like, "No.".

Okay, so in truth they were both more like, "…", but I would bet you 20 bucks that they were thinking along the lines of, "No.".

**"AND NOW, THE SUMMER FASHION!"** Lee tore off his big fur coat, AND THERE WAS NOTHING UNDERNEATH! I'm kidding, I'm kidding… He was wearing some ugly pine green swim trunks with little pineapples on them. But think about it, would you rather him wear those swim trunks? Or nothing? The swim trunks? I thought so…

Gaara was doing all he could to keep from squashing Lee like a cockroach.

"There isn't an 'ew' loud enough." Sakura said quietly before she fell over and passed out. Shikamaru held his new Shougi board, since Hinata had burned his old one, over his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch. Hinata shrieked loudly and hid her face in her hands. Chouji stared in shock at Lee and had a chip hanging half out of his mouth. Tayuya was now swearing at Lee, quite loudly too. Naruto was screaming about disturbing the peace and pointing accusingly at Lee. Ayame still sat there, still unsure of how she should be reacting. Of course, Kankurou and Ino were arguing in their room, completely oblivious to anything else but arguing with each other. Temari was disgusted, and no longer really wanted her ham sandwich. Neji and Ten-ten were covering each other's eyes, while Kiba hid his own. Sasuke was now trying his best to restrain Nina from hurting somebody. Unfortunately, it wasn't really working all too well.

And once again, last but not least, good old Shino was still like, "No.". Kin was now like, "I'm going to have to go to therapy for the rest of my life." But she was also like, "No.".

**"AND NOW! IT IS TIME FOR SPEEDOS!"** Lee cried out. Everyone screamed and went into a panic. And poor, poor Haku fell into a dead faint on the walkway.

Neji: Alright Sam! This has gone on long enough! I refuse to let you write about Lee in a Speedo! That's disgusting, let alone cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us!

Sam: Eep! Run away!

Neji: Come back here! (Runs around room trying to catch Sam. After several seconds, Neji catches up to Sam and ties him up like a pig.) I win!

Temari: At least we stopped him from writing about Lee in a Speedo, but now we don't have anyone to write the story!

Neji: When does Spike's lunch hour end?

Temari: He comes back in about 20 minutes, why?

Neji: Story time! Muahahaha!

**Chpt 8: Downfall of the Main House Family! Neji Style!**

The Hyuuga family is separated into two different sections. The Main House Family, and the Branch Family. The Branch Family has a horrible curse seal put on their foreheads that the Main House can activate at any time, and it can never be removed.

One day, there was a boy named Hyuuga Neji from the Branch Family who was being tortured by a girl named Amanda, also known as Gohan209, in a story called Right Out of a Hat. But now, since he has taken over the story, he can do what ever he wants!

Some way or another, Neji found a rocket launcher. Neji took this rocket launcher and ran over to Hyuuga compound and blew the whole place to pieces, killing the entire Main House. As soon as they died, his curse seal disappeared, making him really happy.

Then he remembered that there was once more Main House member on the cruise ship known as the Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza! Why it was called such a stupid name, Neji never really figured that out. Her name was Hyuuga Hinata, and she was evil, well, she was really timid, but evil nonetheless!

Hinata stood on the deck of the cruise ship, poking her fingers together like the insecure girl she is. Then, out of nowhere, millions of A-bombs fell from the sky, spreading radioactivity and ruining the environment, but killing her along with it! Her body fell into the ocean and was eaten by sharks. Now she lies at the bottom of the sea with the mangled corpse of an old guy named Mr. Jenkins.

Temari: That was the worst bit of story-telling I've ever heard! Neji, you write like a second grader!

Then, Neji remembered that annoying girl Temari he was handcuffed to,

Temari: **HEY!**

So, being the incredibly awesome guy that he is, he pulled out his rocket launcher and blew her head to smithereens!

Temari: (Her headless corpse falls over into a puddle of her own blood.)

Then, Neji was happy! The girl of his dreams came up to him and gave him a big hug, congratulating him on killing off that horrible Sand bitch. Then, shattering his cold exterior, Neji kissed her on the lips, making her blush horribly. That girl of his dreams is none other than…_ (A.N: Nope! I'm not going to tell you who it is! I'm so mean…) _

Gohan209: Hello! I'm back! I got that stupid that ham that you guys insisted on having. (Trips over Sam who is still tied up like a pig on the ground.) Sam! What happened! Wait, if you're here, than who's writing the story.

Neji: Oh shit! Gotta go!

Gohan209:** NEJI! **(Sees Temari dead on the floor) **I'M GONNA KILL YOU! YOU COMPLETELY WRECKED MY STORY!**

Neji: It's not my fault! Sam was going to make Lee wear a Speedo!

Gohan209: Sam! How could you? I trusted you!

Sam: Oh well. (Shrugs)

Gohan209: Besides, that's disgusting. Lee in a Speedo… (Shivers) I hate Lee so much…

Sam:** LEE IS THE COOLEST!**

Gohan209: Alright then. Back into the closet you go! (Picks Sam up and throws him into the closet.) Alright Neji, step away from the keyboard.

Neji: Never!

Gohan209: (Jumps up and huggles Neji to death) Get away from the keyboard Neji!

Neji: No! The huggle! Draining… my strength… (Bleh… Falls to the ground)

Gohan209: Victory at last! Now, let me fix the damage these idiots have done.

**Chpt 8: Undoing the Chaos**

Gohan209 joins the story temporarily so that she can help save this story from going down the toilet. She does many, many, many handseals, and rewinds time to when she was going to the store to buy ham. (I can do that you know! I am the author. I can do whatever I want!)

Gohan209(past self): Sam, I'm gonna go now, so could you please start writing?

Gohan209(time traveler): Stop right there! I come from the future bearing ham!

Gohan209(past self): Umm… okay.

Gohan209(time traveler): Listen to me! Whatever you do, do not let Sam write this story! If you do, then everything will be ruined!

Gohan209(past self): But I need ham to make sandwiches so that Neji and Temari will leave me alone!

Gohan209(time traveler): Take my ham! (Throws box of ham at past self.)

Gohan209(past self): Thanks!

Gohan209(time traveler): No, thank you. Now, I can wake up in a future worth living in.

Gohan209(past self): That was really, really corny.

Gohan209(time traveler): I know. (Goes back to the future.)

Gohan209: Weird. Anyways, Sam, you can go back to your closet now.

Sam: Darn. (Mopes away.)

Gohan209: Now, who wants a ham sandwich?

Temari and Neji: We do! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)

Neji: Mmmm… This ham sandwich sure is Wilberlicious!

Temari: (Spits out sandwich.)** Neji! That's horrible!**

Neji: Get it? Wilber the pig from Charlottes Web? And we're eating ham sandwiches? Aren't I a genius?

Temari: You're a sicko!

Gohan209: Okay, I think I've dragged this thing out long enough. Exit! Stage left!

…………………………

Alright, this chapter was seriously messed up. I know. But you know what? This is what happens when you're stuck at your house with your little sister for about 6 hours and you're not allowed to have anyone over because you're parents are cruel and mean. During that lovely time period, I usually get sugar high, and pretty whacked. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter Sam! (Even though I know you would never want to see Lee wearing Speedos… 0.o;) Till then!


	9. First Night in the Cabins! Whoopdeedoo…

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

On with the story!

**Chpt 9: First Night in the Cabins! Whoopdeedoo…(insert sarcasm here)**

…………………………

Neji: Mmmm… This ham sandwich sure is Wilberlicious!

Temari: (Spits out sandwich.)** Neji! That's horrible!**

Neji: Get it? Wilber the pig from Charlottes Web? And we're eating ham sandwiches? Aren't I a genius?

Temari: You're a sicko!

Gohan209: Okay, I think I've dragged this thing out long enough. Exit! Stage left!

…………………………

The Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza let down its gangplank, and everyone ran out as fast as possible. The Jounin tried to leave, but were trapped by their students staring at them with puppy eyes.

"What?" Kakashi asked, looking confused.

"**I SEE! YOU ARE ALL CELEBRATING YOUR YOUTH BY GIVING US THE OH SO YOUTHFUL PUPPY DOG STARE!"** Gai declared in Kurenai's ear.

"**GAI! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!"** Obviously being a hypocrite herself by shouting in his ear.

"**LE GASP!"** Gai slapped his face with his hands.** "YOU HERITIC! I AM MITO GAI! I MUST EXPRESS MY YOUTHFULLNESS BY SHOUTING ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVE NO RELEVENCE IN YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER!"** (Come on, I mean like that turtle that turned up for one episode and we never saw ever again! That was completely pointless!)

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto whined. "Please take them off!" He gestured to the handcuffs he was wearing.

"I don't know…" Kakashi muttered, scratching his chin. "I think they look cool." Everyone went from puppy dog face, to downright furious.

"**WE HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"** They all screamed at once.

"Oh!" Kakashi exclaimed, having forgotten that **minor** detail. He reached his hand into his pouch on the back of his pants. "Let's see… Icha Icha Paradise volume one… Icha Icha Paradise volume two… three… four…" As Kakashi dug around some more, Asuma leaned towards Kurenai because he'd really rather not talk to Gai.

"How many of those books can he fit in that thing?" Kurenai shrugged in response. It was one of those mysteries of the universe that can never be solved. There are a lot of unsolvable questions in life, like: 'Why are we here?', 'Where do we come from?', 'Who can eat more, Chouji, or Naruto?', 'Why does Sasuke's hair look like a chicken's ass?', and, 'Why don't any of the Naruto characters wear socks?' Unfortunately, we will never know the answers to these things, so let's move on with life.

"Aha!" Kakashi pulled out the remote control. "Found it!" He frowned suddenly. "No wait, that's the Icha Icha Paradise with the remote control-like cover…" Everyone started shouting furiously. They **really** had to **go! Now!** "Ah! Here we are!" He pressed a big red button at the top left corner, and everyone's handcuffs clattered to the ground.

The Jounin gawked at the carnage their students (with the exception of several of them) had made as soon as their handcuffs were taken off. Over 30 pedestrians were thrown into the water, where the Shizune's Ramen Raft Sailboat Extravaganza promptly ran over them, and let their corpses get devoured by sharks just like Mr. Jenkins. Honestly, what's a few lives in the whole scheme of things? The Jounin shrugged and followed their students in a less frenzied manner.

"I'm gonna go check out the cabins." Kakashi said, waving goodbye to the other Jounin. Kakashi took a street that led to the left, while Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma continued in the direction of the bathrooms. Kakashi winced as he heard Gai bust into song.

"**GLISTENING IN THE SKYYYYY! WITH DAAAAIIIMONDSSS! GLISTE-YEARGH!"** Gai collapsed as Kurenai kicked him where the sun don't shine.

Kakashi shrugged at his 'eternal rival's' misery, and strolled onwards. Tilting his head towards the sky, Kakashi lazily watched a bird fly about in slow, winding circles. It was a nice, calm atmosphere, until someone shouted, **"LOOK OUT!"**

Kakashi brought himself down to Earth, just in time to receive a telephone pole in the face. Since he had been lost in thought, he obviously hadn't noticed the pole right in front of him. Pretty lights flickered in and out of his vision, making his head throb uncomfortably and his limbs twitch slightly.

A gentle hand on his shoulder made him turn around. A girl with dirty blonde hair, pulled back in a pony tail, green eyes, a tan tank top, green camouflage styled pants, and combat boots was staring at him with a concerned face.

"Are you alright?" She asked, easily lifting him up to his feet.

"Me encanta pollo con queso…" Kakashi gasped. He just said that he loved chicken with cheese in Spanish! **"AYE NO!"** Kakashi began to run round in circles screaming. **"NO HABLO ENGLES! HABLO ESPANOL!"** (I don't speak English! I speak Spanish!) Kakashi began to cry anime tears.** "NO ME GUSTA HABLO ESPANOL PARA NADA!"** (I don't like speaking in Spanish at all!) Meanwhile, the girl, whom we will call Georgette until we find out her real name, stood there, suppressing a giggle with her hand.

As Kakashi continued his roundabout rampage, Georgette innocently stuck out her foot. Kakashi, who was too busy whining in Spanish, tripped right over it, sending him flying into the telephone pole for the second time today. Kakashi rolled over and groaned as Georgette stood over him, her hands on her hips.

"Better now?" She asked.

"Hopefully…" Kakashi sighed, grateful that he was talking in good old English. In actuality, he would be talking in Japanese, but since I only know several words in Japanese, we'll just use our 'imaginations' to pretend that they're really talking in English. Now that we're all on the same page…

"Thanks a bunch for… uh… tripping me." Kakashi rubbed his head nervously.

"No problem! I do it all the time?" She grinned mischievously.

"You trip people on purpose?" Kakashi asked, somewhat confused. Georgette moved her eyes shiftily back and forth.

"You didn't see anything…" She whispered into his ear.

"Okay then, Georgette." Georgette raised an eyebrow, her mouth opening slightly.

"Did you just call me Georgette?" Georgette asked.

"Well yeah! That is your name, right?"

"Ah… no." She shifted her weight to one foot. "Do I look like a Georgette? That doesn't even sound like a girl's name!" The Obviously-Not-Georgette person said.

"True," Kakashi admitted. "But that's what Gohan209 calls you."

"Well, I've got news for you." Ms. I-Hate-The-Name-Georgette leaned forwards a bit. "My name is Kristy. Not Georgette. That's something I'd name a hamster."

"Do you have a hamster?" Kakashi asked.

"No."

"Then how would you know what to name it if you've never had one?" Kristy smacked her face.

"That's not the point…" She sighed. "So, you know my name, what's yours?" _He seems familiar somehow…_ Kristy thought.

"I'm Hatake Kakashi." Kristy stood stone still. "What? Something wrong? Is there something on my mask?" Kakashi turned to look in a window that appeared out of nowhere, and studied his mask for anything offensive. While he was turned around, Kristy quickly pulled out her translated version of Naruto. She looked up and down, comparing Kakashi from the manga, to this Kakashi she had just met.

_Nah…_ She waved her hand dismissively._ Can't be…_ Because we all know that stuff like that doesn't **really** happen……… does it?

"So, what are you doing here Kakashi?" Kristy asked, all thoughts of this Kakashi being the Kakashi from Naruto out of her head.

"Well, I'm taking some students of ours out on a vacation. Well, more like **forcing** them on a vacation, but you know what I mean…" Kristy agreed. "Well, I've got to go and make sure they don't try to run off! Catch you later Kristy!" Kakashi jogged off in the direction of the cabins that they had rented and smiled slightly. That Kristy girl was nice. He hoped to meet her again

…………………………

"I hereby proclaim this cabin as mine!" Naruto jumped up and latched himself onto the nearest cabin like a leech.

"That's nice…" Ayame sort of turned away.

"Well, before you all try to get settled, we have to review some rules and stuff." Kurenai stood on a tree stump, raising her voice over Gai's quiet sobbing. "Now, remember that thing that Asuma went over?"

"You mean the thing with the crossdresser?" Kiba asked.

"Yes… Kiba…" Kiba withered under the glare Asuma gave him.

"Shall we go over it again?" Kurenai asked.

"No. We understand." Everyone grumbled.

"Well too bad. I want to lecture you until your ears bleed!" Kurenai exclaimed happily. "Now, if Ino leaves Kankurou behind to go with Sasuke, she can not stay with him for longer than five minutes and vice versa. Nina goes to Kankurou, they can only stay with each other for no more than five minutes and vice versa. If for some unknown reason, Sasuke and Kankurou want to hang out, or Nina and Ino want to hang out, again, they can not do that for more than five minutes. However, if both Nina and Sasuke want to hang out with Kankurou and Ino, then they can do that for however long they want. The point is, you can not leave your 'assigned person', for more than five minutes."

"My God woman! You took that word for word from chapter six! You even used the same names!" Shikamaru complained. "One question though, just how long are we stuck here on this island with each other?"

"**My dear Shikamaru, you are stuck here… forever!"** Gai snuck up behind Shikamaru and stuck a flashlight under his face to give him a creepy look. Well, creepier than he already is anyways. Shikamaru whimpered and began to cry. Wouldn't you start to cry if you were stuck on an island with Gai? I know I would…

"Gai!" Asuma stopped glaring at Kiba for a moment. "Stop trying to traumatize my prized Chuunin!" Ino and Chouji glared at Asuma; they were Chuunin too! _(A.N: Just a reminder, they are all 15-16 years old!)_ What were they, chopped liver? Luckily, they weren't chopped liver, because if they were, Chouji would try to eat himself. Trust me; that would get very messy.

"One last thing," Kurenai continued her long spiel. "That rule that I blatantly took from chapter six, we mean it. If you even try to disobey that rule, we will know. Trust me, we will know…" She ended on a creepy note.

"Hmm…" Kakashi scratched his head, pulling out a scroll from his seemingly bottomless pouch. "I have the cabin assignments right here. Kiba and Ten-ten get cabin one, Neji and Temari get cabin two, Kankurou and Ino get cabin three, Lee and Haku get cabin four…"

"**HA!"** Gai shouted triumphantly. **"I KNEW IT!"**

"Knew what?" Kakashi asked, looking up from the scroll.

"**Obviously, Kakashi, my students are better than yours because they are all in the top five cabins!"** Kakashi blinked several times. **"That's another win for me, Kakashi!"**

"Okaaayy…" Kakashi went back to the scrolls. "Shino and Kin get cabin five, Sasuke and Nina get cabin six, Gaara and Sakura get cabin seven, Chouji and Tayuya get cabin eight, Shikamaru and Hinata get cabin nine, and finally, Naruto and Ayame get cabin ten."

"But I want this one!" Naruto complained, rubbing his face on the cabin he was latched onto. Kakashi quietly slipped Naruto a 50 dollar bill. "Like I said! Cabin ten is the way to go!"

"Now go into your cabins! It's late and you should all go to bed and get to know each other!" Asuma said cheerily.

"Not only did that come out **so** wrong," Sakura interrupted. "But if you haven't noticed, it's only two o'clock in the afternoon."

"Don't worry about that darling. Our creepy friend Gai can make the sun set anytime he wants, thus making it time to go to bed." Asuma pointed to Gai, who had miraculously made the sun set behind him on a beach setting. "Now go with Gaara." Asuma pushed Sakura and Gaara through the door of their cabin without a second thought.

Grudgingly, everyone went into their cabins, leaving the Jounin all alone.

"Say, where are we sleeping?" Kurenai asked.

"Oh, we get a giant luxury hotel that's just around the corner." Kakashi pointed to the rather large building. "The kids get to go there when they've proven themselves trustworthy."

"They have to be trustworthy?" Asuma stamped his old cigarette into the ground and lit a new one.

"Nah, I just wanted to spend at least some of this vacation without them. They can get rooms in the hotel later." Kakashi shrugged. "Now, I've bugged each and every cabin so that we can keep a close watch on them, and have a good laugh at the same time." Kakashi pulled out a large square box from his bottomless pouch. "This thing opens into 20 large television screens so that we can watch all of them at once."

"How does he do that?" Asuma asked Kurenai again. Still, neither had the answer to such a question.

"So, let's barricade the doors so that they're all stuck inside until morning." Kakashi pulled out his handy dandy 'Barricade Your Children Inside Of A House' kit from his mysterious pouch. Everyone stared at him. I mean come on! Who knew such a thing existed?

"**Where in the world did you get that?"** Gai asked dramatically, even though this really wasn't the time for it.

"Sadist's Weekly." Kakashi said calmly, pulling out a pile of bricks and some quick dry cement. "I love that magazine… Almost as much as Icha Icha Paradise; Super Censored Version." So it was true. Jiraiya had been up to a lot lately…

…………………………

Ten-ten sat in her room, looking out the window at Neji's cabin. Well, the window was facing cabin number two, so what else was there to look at? She sighed, twirling a kunai on her finger. Her first impression of Kiba, wasn't really all that great. Heck! She barely knew him at all!

And he smelled like dog. A wet dog. Disgusting… Ten-ten's nose crinkled up in disgust. Sighing, she stood up and flopped down on the King size bed they were provided. And go figure! There was only one bed! Typical of the senseis to plan that out as well…

Kiba was in the shower; Ten-ten had made him take one, no 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts'. The crash of splashing water reached her ears as she buried her head in a pillow. Of all people, why Kiba? Honestly? For one, he was a whole year **younger **than she was. Two, Ten-ten liked dogs, but she didn't like it when the owner of the dog acted like one. And three, Kiba was downright annoying. Well, he was sweet and all, but he was annoying most of the time.

Ten-ten could no longer hear the water running, so she began to grab her own shampoo and soap. Rather loudly, the door to the bathroom banged against the wall, and Ten-ten almost choked when Kiba came out with nothing more then a towel around his waist, a dripping Akamaru held up to his bare chest.

"Get dressed. Now." She commanded, her voice monotone.

"Why?" Kiba asked, brushing aside a mass of damp hair out of his face. "We're going to bed, aren't we?"

"Exactly. Put on a pair of boxers and a shirt." Ten-ten's voice remained monotone.

"Oh no, I sleep in the buff." Kiba replied, forgetting that he was in the presence of a girl. Ten-ten blinked several times, and walked slowly towards the bathroom.

"By the time I come out, you **will** be wearing something." Her eyes glittered dangerously as she shut the door of the bathroom. Kiba stared stupidly at the door, holding up his towel with one hand.

"What's her problem?" He asked Akamaru.

"Arf! Erf woof!" Akamaru said quietly, glaring at Kiba.

"Oh yeah," Kiba said, blushing a deep crimson. "She's a girl… hehehe, oops!" He grinned nervously.

Meanwhile, Ten-ten washed her hair, trying for at least a moment, to forget what was happening to her. In short, her 'lovely' boyfriend was Kiba. (Note the sarcasm) But she had other feelings. Feelings that were meant for someone else, someone completely different than Kiba. Ten-ten stood under the stream of the faucet, letting the hot water wash away her troubled thoughts.

Turning off the flow of water, Ten-ten dried herself, grabbing a large, baggy t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. She swung the door open, and braced herself. Luckily, Kiba had slipped on a pair of dark blue shorts and a red t-shirt with a pawprint in the center. He grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, I kind of forgot… you know… girls and all…" He turned around, patting Akamaru on the back gently. "You don't mind if he sleeps on the bed, do you?" Kiba asked, his voice impossible for anyone to turn down.

"Nah, I don't mind." Ten-ten sat down on the bed, scratching Akamaru's chin a bit. "As long as you stay on your side of the bed, I'm fine."

"Fine by me." Kiba gently scooped Akamaru up in his arms, a tender look in his face. "Night night buddy." Within seconds, Kiba had curled up on his side of the bed and was fast asleep.

_Well,_ Ten-ten smiled slightly._ We should get along alright._ Being tired herself, Ten-ten bowed her head, whispered something softly, and collapsed onto her pillow, a kunai clenched tightly under her head.

…………………………

"Well, that was boring!" Kakashi put his hands on his hips and stared at Kiba and Ten-ten's screen. "No arguing or anything!"

"Isn't that a good thing?" Asuma asked.

"Well yes," Kakashi confessed. "But it's not as fun when everything works out like that!"

"You'd better not do anything to Ten-ten or Kiba, Kakashi." Kurenai warned.

"Why would I?" He asked innocently.

"Because you're a mischievous pervert that likes to pull pranks on helpless victims, that's why." Asuma blew out a stream of smoke, almost killing Kurenai with the evil second hand smoke.

"Well, that seems to fit." Kakashi switched his attention. "Now, let's see how Neji and Temari are doing…"

…………………………

"So, you were number one in your class, right?" Temari asked Neji.

"Hn…" Neji grunted, staring blankly at the wall

"Is that a yes or a no?" No response. "Do you have a stick up your ass or what?" Temari asked huffily. "You know, I try to be friendly, and you act like you're too good to even give me a response!"

"Alright, fine." Neji turned around on the bed and met her eyes with his pupil-less ones. "What is it you want?"

"You know, just to talk. Let's try and get to know each other since we're going to be living with each other for a while."

"Talk?" Temari nodded. "That's it? You just want to talk?" Neji shook his head. "Girls…" He rubbed his forehead where his bandages were neatly wrapped around his head. Neji had already taken off his forehead protector for the night. "What in the world do you want to talk about?"

"Stuff." Temari shrugged.

"Could you be a little more specific?" Neji asked, already tired of this pointless conversation.

"I know you're not interested in anything but training, so let's talk about that." Temari suggested.

"Our fighting styles are completely different. It would be pointless to discuss them." Neji ignored Temari's flabbergasted face, and crawled under the covers, thinking about something that he'd rather not share with Temari, or anyone else.

…………………………

"Well, they were pretty boring too." Kakashi said huffily. "What is wrong with these students of ours? Are they doomed to a life of boringness?" Kakashi went over to screen three with Kankurou and Ino.

…………………………

"It was completely your fault." Ino said stubbornly, unwrapping the bandages from her arms.

"I did absolutely nothing!" Kankurou folded his outfit neatly on the floor by his sandals. "You jumped, and dragged us both down!" Neither of them was willing to take the blame for the boat incident.

"Of course you didn't…" Ino said sarcastically. "Why don't you just admit that it was all your fault?" She pulled the hair tie from her hair and set it down on the bedside table.

"Because it wasn't!" Kankurou shouted from the bathroom. He held a damp washcloth in his hands that had purple smears all over it. "Can't we just drop it?" Kankurou continued to scrub his face clean of the kabuki paint that he wore daily.

"No!" Ino insisted as she brushed out her hair. "Because someone has to take the blame for it!"

"Then blame it on Kakashi for putting those handcuffs on us!" Kankurou pulled on a loose fitting black shirt and boxers.

"I don't think so!" Ino pulled on a white shirt with a pink logo and a pair of black shorts.

"Forget it." Kankurou sighed and pushed open the bathroom door. "I'm just going to…" His voice trailed off as he saw Ino. Likewise, Ino was also speechless.

_She looks kind of nice with her hair down…_ Kankurou thought, standing still as a statue.

_He's kind of nice looking without that silly makeup on._ Ino blinked dazedly._ Well, not as hot as Sasuke-kun, but kind of…_

They both stood there, just staring at each other, until they realized that they were indeed standing there like idiots with their mouths open.

"Uh…" Kankurou turned away and rubbed his head. "I guess I'll be going to bed now…" Ino snapped back to reality herself, and turned her head down, trying to hide the blush that was creeping onto her cheeks.

"Yeah… I guess I am too…"

…………………………

"Ooh! I see some sparks flying already!" Kakashi giggled like a school girl with some juicy gossip.

"You are having far too much fun with this Kakashi. It's only day one!" Asuma exhaled once again, making Kurenai's head spin round and round with the horrible stench of cigarette smoke.

"**LEE'S CABIN IS NUMBER FOUR!"** Gai yelled, running out to join them. **"LET ME SEE MY PRIZED STUDENT FULL OF YOUTH!"**

…………………………

Haku sat glaring at Lee, her hand twitching slightly. Lee on the other hand, was ignoring Haku, and trying to think about something else. Like the color green for instance…

"I have a question for you Haku…" Lee said, trying to choose his words carefully.

"What?" She snapped back.

"What was Zabuza like?" Haku was taken aback. Why did he ask about something like that? "You know," Lee looked down at his hands. "How did he make you feel?"

"You sound like some sort of guidance counselor…" Haku muttered. "Goodnight, Lee." She turned around and turned off the lights. Lee knew he had hit a delicate subject.

…………………………

"**LEE!"** Gai cried anime tears as he held his fist up in the air.** "YOU DID IT ALL WRONG! THAT WAS THE WRONG YOUTHFULL APPROACH TO TAKE!"**

"Not only is my lifespan being shortened by Asuma's second hand smoke, but now I'm going deaf…" Kurenai said, a dazed look in her eyes.

"Well, onto cabin five." Kakashi turned to the fifth screen.

…………………………

Shino knelt in front of a Buddhist shrine.

"What are you doing?"

"Showing my respect to the one and only religion." Kin raised an eyebrow.

"But I thought you were a vampire nun sworn to silence who will eventually rule as our Mysterious Supreme Ruler of Earth named **SUPER SHINO THE BUG BOY!"** Kin waved her arms dramatically.

"Yes, that is true." He said quietly, pushing his sunglasses farther up his nose.

"But," Kin was now confused. "If you're a nun, then that would mean that you must be Catholic or something to that extent. Not Buddhist…"

"I know that." Shino turned around to look at Kin. "You see, Onish is a Buddhist monk." Shino turned back to the shrine. "Since Onish is asleep right now, I, Shino, am honoring his religion for him."

Shino knelt in front of a Buddhist shrine, while a confuzzled Kin stared at him like he was crazy.

…………………………

"You know, Shino really creeps me out sometimes." Kakashi muttered, scratching his chin. Kurenai would have said something, but she was in her death throes from Asuma's second hand smoke. "Let's move on to cabin six, shall we?"

…………………………

Nina sat huddled up against the backboard of the bed, a blanket pulled over her bare feet. She stared suspiciously at Sasuke, who was reading another book and talking quietly to himself. Nina cringed as Sasuke cried out yet again, "Bridget! **No!"**

"Good God!" Nina stood up on the bed. "What in the world are you reading?"

"None of your business!" Sasuke shoved the book in his pillow case. "Go study one of your stupid scrolls or something!"

"Oh, so now my scrolls are stupid, are they?" Nina glared down at a chibi Sasuke.

"N-no! That's not what I meant… I-I…" Sasuke stuttered frantically. Nina sighed and turned her head.

"Pft, you're not worth it…" She jumped off the bed and landed lightly on her feet. "I'm going up on the roof." Nina went over to the window and tried to lift it, but for some reason, it refused to open. "What in the world?" Some sticky stuff rubbed off onto her hands. **"DAMN IT!"** She whacked her head against a wall. **"They've barricaded us inside!"** Nina began to cry anime tears. "Why me?"

"You're kidding, they've trapped us inside?" Sasuke ran down the hallway to their cabin's front door and opened it. A large brick wall blocked the opening. Nina came up next to Sasuke and stood still for a moment. Then, completely unexpectedly, she doubled over and started laughing.

"This is just like a cartoon!" She giggled, wiping away a tear. "Geez, why am I laughing anyway?"

"I don't know…"

"It was a rhetorical question baka." Nina interrupted him. "Go back to reading your book or whatever… I'll be out here if you need me." She gritted her teeth and lay down on the couch. "Only if it's important though." She closed her eyes and immediately drifted into a light slumber.

Sasuke tip toed back to the bedroom and almost stepped on one of Nina's scrolls. Being the nosy person that he is, he untied the string and unrolled the scroll. To his surprise, the scroll was completely blank. Not a single mark was written anywhere. _Wait, wasn't she reading these scrolls?_ Sasuke looked closely at the parchment, but it truly was blank. Sasuke carefully rolled the scroll back up and placed it near her rucksack. That girl was as mysterious as she is violent…

…………………………

"Boring…" Kakashi turned his lazy eye to screen seven, ignoring Kurenai's desperate gasps for air.

…………………………

"Are you positively, absolutely, **sure** that you're one of the good guys?" Sakura asked warily.

"For the last time, yes!" Gaara closed his eyes and continued to meditate. If he didn't meditate, he was sure that Sakura would drive him to the brink of insanity. "You did save me that one time, and I didn't exactly try to murder you in cold blood."

"Oh yeah…" Sakura remembered that whole incident with the Akatsuki that hasn't appeared in the anime yet because of those damn fillers… "Um, aren't you going to bed?" Sakura asked, untying her forehead protector from its usual spot.

"I don't sleep."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I don't sleep."

"Don't you get tired?" Sakura pulled her pajamas out from her suitcase. Gaara stared at her, a 'are you kidding me?' expression plastered on his face.

"If I sleep, then my personality will be eaten away by Shukaku until there isn't a single drop of humanity left in my veins."

"0.o'" Sakura didn't know what to say, so she went into the bathroom to get changed.

"Honestly, if she listened to me the first time…" Gaara slid his gourd off his back, and propped it up gently against the side of the wall. He also unbuckled the straps of his vest that he had been wearing since he had become Kazekage, pulled off his overcoat, and pulled off his sandals. After that, he went back to his meditation, wearing nothing but his fishnet shirt, a black tank top, and his long baggy pants.

Gaara had just gotten comfortable again, when he heard Sakura scream bloody murder, accompanied by a loud thump. Forgetting all sense of modesty, Gaara went to go investigate.

Sakura was splayed flat out on the floor of the bathroom, luckily still wearing her undergarments, a large lump on her head. Gaara went quickly over to her side, and poured some cold water over her face. Immediately, she began to sputter and quickly sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"How in the world did you fall down?" Sakura only just noticed that Gaara was in the bathroom with her.

"**I slipped on your stupid sand! That's what!"** Sakura yelled, pointing to the sand strewn all around the bathroom. **"Could you at least clean up after…** yourself…" Sakura stopped for as second, and then screamed even louder than before.

"What?" Gaara asked, looking about. "There's nothing…"

"**GET OUT!"** Sakura screamed, grabbing a towel and holding it over herself.** "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"** Gaara leapt to his feet and ran for the door, shutting it as quickly as he could behind him. He was just in time, because Sakura's fist went straight through the door, an inch from his face. **"YOUR SAND WON'T BE ANY OBSTACLE TO ME! SO I SUGGEST YOU STAY ON MY GOOD SIDE, PERVERT!"** Gaara whimpered slightly. What did he do wrong?

…………………………

Kakashi was doubled over in a giggling fit, tears streaming from his one visible eye.

"Ka… ka… shi… uhgg…" Kurenai desperately tried to get Kakashi's attention. "I need a gas mask!" Her face was ashen white.

"There should be one in the closet Kurenai…" Kakashi said, unburdened by such problems as cigarette smoke since his mask filtered it all out. "Shall we take a look at cabin eight?"

…………………………

Chouji sat on his side of the bed, looking at the wall, while Tayuya sat on her side of the bed, staring at her little section of wall.

"Sorry that I had to sit on you before." Chouji said grudgingly. Tayuya grunted in response and continued to look at the wall. "Listen, I know that this whole situation is awkward, but why don't we at least try to get along a little?" Tayuya turned around and saw Chouji holding his hand out. "I'm not asking for you to like me, just, you know, try and get along a bit so that this entire thing isn't completely miserable."

Tayuya looked in his eyes, and saw no trace of trickery. Slowly lifting up her own hand, she clasped Chouji's and shook it slightly.

"Deal." Chouji grinned slightly.

"And could you try not to swear so much?" Tayuya's face darkened.

"That's not part of the deal." Tayuya placed her flute on the table, and turned off the light. "Damn it, I'll swear whenever I want."

Chouji sighed in the darkness. He could tell that this vacation was going to be rather unpleasant, even though Tayuya had promised.

…………………………

"I can not believe this…" Kakashi rubbed his head. "Why aren't they at each other's throats?"

"Maybe –kkch- because they think that this –kkch- whole thing is –kkch- pointless –kkch-." Kurenai sounded like Darth Vader with that stupid gas mask on. Well, it was better than trying to deal with Asuma's cigarette smoke.

"On to cabin nine…"

…………………………

"This is troublesome…" Shikamaru stared at the floor. "Are you sure you don't want to play more Shougi?" Shikamaru could feel Hinata's eyes on his back.

"Positive." She said coldly, completely unlike her usual attitude.

"Fine fine…" Shikamaru tried looking at some clouds from his window, but there was nothing but that stupid sunset that Gai had summoned. He sighed, undoing his ponytail. This was already too troublesome for his taste.

…………………………

"Shougi Shougi Shougi…" Kakashi turned to Asuma. "Does he talk about anything else?"

"Well, he talks about things being troublesome…"

"Oh golly gee… isn't he just great a conversation starter?" Kakashi said sarcastically.

"**HIS YOUTH IS MUCH IN JEOPARDY!"** Gai called out from his bean bag chair the hotel had so kindly provided. Bean bag chairs are fun… Unless Gai steals it, then it becomes very, 'uncool'.

…………………………

"So, Ayame nii-chan, how are you?" Naruto asked while scratching his head for no real reason.

"Annoyed."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Um… Okay." Naruto began doodling about how he would kill Sasuke on a piece of paper.

…………………………

"You know, I've had it with these boring kids!" Kakashi pressed a small black button on the top right corner of the television screens. Several loud explosions along with several shrieks were heard.

"**What did you do? -kkch-?"** Kurenai yelled at Kakashi.

"Use your imagination Kurenai, use your imagination…"

"Kakashi, when we see those kids in the morning, nothing bad had better have happened to them." Asuma warned.

"Don't worry!" Kakashi held up his hands. "They'll just be a little shook up! That's all! Now," Kakashi whipped out a large platter. "Who wants potato boats?" All the Jounin cheered and grabbed a cheesy potato boat with bacon. Mmm… potato boats…

"Hi yall!" Kakashi almost choked on his potato boat. Kristy was standing in the doorway of their hotel room. "How's it goin?"

"Kristy!" Kakashi exclaimed, after some difficulty with his cheesy potato boat. "What are you doing here?" Kristy walked over and grabbed a potato boat herself.

"I love potato boats!" She took a big bite. "Num nums!" She cheered. "Bye now!" She left the room, waving goodbye.

"Well, that was odd…" Asuma scratched his head. "Kakashi, do you know her?" But Kakashi didn't answer. He was still staring at the doorway where Kristy had left.

…………………………

Doo dee doo! Finally! I finished this chapter! Well, I'm sorry I haven't updated in over two weeks, but I've been **really** busy with school and all. Got my CMT's coming up next week, so yeah… Great fun… (not) Don't expect an update too soon, unfortunately, because I'm still really busy. You know, one day, I hope all my teachers catch pneumonia and the school just explodes. Then, I would be a happy camper! But since that won't happen anytime soon, I'm not holding my breath…

Anywho! I hope you liked this chapter EarthenAngel! You'll be in more chapters to come!


	10. What Kakashi’s Little Black Button Reall

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

On with the story!

**Chpt 10: What Kakashi's Little Black Button Really Did…**

…………………………

"Kristy!" Kakashi exclaimed, after some difficulty with his cheesy potato boat. "What are you doing here?" Kristy walked over and grabbed a potato boat herself.

"I love potato boats!" She took a big bite. "Num nums!" She cheered. "Bye now!" She left the room, waving goodbye.

"Well, that was odd…" Asuma scratched his head. "Kakashi, do you know her?" But Kakashi didn't answer. He was still staring at the doorway where Kristy had left.

…………………………

Kakashi was all snuggled up in his bed, hugging his pillow like there was no tomorrow. Of course, the covers were pulled up over his face, blocking the view of his mysterious face.

"**MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL KAKASHI!"** Gai screamed into Kakashi's room. Did I forget to say they had different rooms? Well, the Jounin get separate, individual rooms in their luxury hotel. I mean, think about it. Gai in the same room as Kakashi? Asuma in the same room with Kurenai? Kurenai with all three of them? That's kinda creepy… Well anyways, back to our loudmouthed, oversized green leprechaun. And keep in mind; this is around six in the morning.

"**KAKASHI! AWAKEN, AND WE SHALL EXERCISE YOUR YOUTHFUL MUSCLES ON A MORNING JOG!"** Of course, as you can imagine, Kakashi sat up rigid in his bed, his normal eye and Sharingan blazing. Of course, he brought the covers up with him to block his face. He grumbled as he saw that it was only Gai bugging him as usual.

"Gai…" Kakashi said hotly, his hands violently shaking the blankets in front of his face. "Do you happen to realize that we are on a VACATION here?" Gai nodded happily, stretching out his limbs in preparation for his youthful morning jog. "And that you woke me up at SIX IN THE MORNING?"

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Gai said, for once not shouting his head off. "We can get in about 600 laps, and then meet our students outside!"

"Two things Gai." Kakashi sighed. "We won't be seeing our students today. Remember? We barricaded them inside the cabins yesterday. They will be forced them to spend time together. They can be let out at noon and we can bring them out to lunch or something."

"And the other thing?" Gai asked.

"Come closer Gai." Kakashi beckoned. Gai took several steps forwards, and fell down a trap door in the middle of the room. "I don't like to be woken up at six AM…" Kakashi collapsed onto his bed once more, the blanket following him down onto his face, yet again, obscuring that beautiful face that we all love to dream about.

…………………………

"Kiba! Stop that!" Ten-ten shook him by his shoulders as he crouched in a corner.

"B-But it's getting closer!" Kiba buried his head in his hands as a small black shape came trotting towards them. Ten-ten sighed and smacked her head.

"Kiba, listen it's nothing but a harmless…"

"**MOMMY! SAVE ME!"** Kiba picked up a lamp and threw it as hard as he could. The small black thing screeched in terror and ran under the bed. Ten-ten then punched Kiba in the face.

"**Baka!"** She shot him a look of disgust as he clutched at the red spot on his face. Getting down on her hands and knees, Ten-ten carefully brought the tiny, black, and completely traumatized kitten out from under the bed, gently stroking its fur."Poor kitty…" Ten-ten cooed. Kiba let out a girly shriek and scrambled onto the bed.

"**IT'S A MONSTEROUS DEMON FROM THE UNDERWORLD!"** Kiba shielded his face with a dictionary that he pulled out from behind his back. Something that only a cartoon character should be able to do.

"Kiba, it's just a cat, and a kitten at that." Ten-ten set the cat down on the bed, letting it trot over to Kiba. The curious little furball slightly brushed up against Kiba's shaking arm, and Kiba let out a glass-shattering shriek. He instantly passed out and fell off the bed.

Tem-ten sighed once more and picked up the little cat. Its origins were unknown. only that it had walked through some sort of door that opened from the outside after a loud buzzing sound came from a small speaker in the corner of the room. She shrugged. After all, Kiba was just a dog obsessed loony who believed cuddly little kittens were evil. Her eyes went up into little arches as she squeezed the cat in a hug. She just loved kitties!

…………………………

Neji and Temari, on the other hand, had a kitty as well! However, it wasn't nearly as small and cuddly as Kiba and Ten-ten's was. Well, let's just say it wasn't meant to be a house pet.

"Where is it now?" Temari asked. Both Neji and Temari were hiding behind a large barricade of tables, chairs, and the couch. Neji's veins bulged from his face, his Byakugan searching the house.

"It's in the kitchen." He whispered hoarsely. "We should be able to make it to the closet and lock ourselves in."

"The closet?" Temari half screamed, half whispered. "What good will that do us? We should just go out and kill it!"

"We can't do that! The tiger is a protected species!"

"Oh, so now you're an animal activist?" Temari said sarcastically. "Look, let me go and kill it, and then our problems will be over!"

"Oh, just shut up and follow me!" Neji grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the closet, clicking the lock behind him.

"You do know that a door won't exactly stop a full-grown adult tiger, right?"

"I just need a second…" Neji bent down into his Jyuuken stance, and used a single, chakra infused strike, bringing the wall crashing to the ground. After all, he _IS_ a Jounin. He can do lots of things that Chuunin can't, and he's just wicked awesome that way. "Come on!" He pulled Temari out through the giant hole in the wall, dragged her out onto the front lawn.

But wouldn't you know it? Kakashi's handy dandy 'Barricade Your Children Inside Of A House' kit that comes from his mysterious pouch, came with a large amount of military mines! Oh that Kakashi, what a sadist! What a sadist!

As soon as Neji and Temari set foot on the front lawn, a loud bleeping sound came from nowhere. Neji turned on his Byakugan again and looked down at his feet. His eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropping to the ground.

"Oh my!" Gasped Neji. Then, both he and Temari were caught in a giant explosion that came from underground and threw them up into the sky. **"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"** He cried out, waving his arms crazily about.

"Excuse me?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow. You see, in this kind of situation, raising your eyebrow is actually quite challenging since you're spinning about in the air, completely disoriented. We should award Temari the 'Ability to Raise Eyebrows While Flying Around in the Air' Prize. Actually, who really cares? Temari should really be concentrated with not dying instead of raising her eyebrows all over the place.

"Curses!" Neji whacked his head. "It's the Main Family's fault! It always is! They must be the inventors of that wretched Pokemon show and brainwashed the entire Branch Family!"

"That's not very likely." Temari pointed out. "And if it was then that would mean that Hinata's the heir to the millions of dollars that show has made."

"Just another reason to get rid of her!" Neji exclaimed.

"Wait, I thought that Naruto changed the way you think of the Main Family, and that now you consider Hinata as almost a sister." Temari scratched her head.

"Details details…" Neji dismissively waved his hand. "Wait a second, I do?"

"Yes."

silence

"**Damn it! The Main House has foiled me yet again!"** Neji almost broke out into tears.

"Say, aren't we falling at an incredibly fast rate towards the ground?" They both looked down and saw the ground coming up faster than the Kentucky Derby. Temari quickly pulled out her fan and spread it out wide. Grabbing Neji's hand, she slowed their decent and glided safely to the ground. They saw that they had landed in some sort of arena with a race track, but ignored it.

"Phew! That was a close call…" Neji sighed.

"Well, it wouldn't have happened if we had just killed the damn tiger in the first place!" Temari huffed.

"Say, do you hear something?" Neji asked, placing his ear to the ground. "Almost like hoofbeats. Wait, hoofbeats?"

They looked up, and saw a bunch of horses and their jockeys speeding around a sharp curve on a race track. OH NO! THEY ACTUALLY LANDED IN THE KENTUCKY DERBY! RUN NEJI AND TEMARI! RUN LIKE THE WIND! Well, what were the chances of that happening?

Neji and Temari screamed and started to run as fast as they could, just barely keeping ahead of the stampeding horses. Three young chance-taking businessmen in the stands instantly placed their bets on different riders. The first bet his money on the bob-tailed nag, and the second bet on the bay. But the third bet his money on the newcomers who were apparently out-running the horses on foot.

…………………………

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHOOHACOUGHHACKSPEWAHEMAHHHHHHHHHHHHHALLEJULAHHHHHHHHH!**" Ino screamed from the bathroom, with an added chorus of hallelujahs in the background.

"What?" Kankurou groaned, pulling his pillow over his head. "Goway… I is sleepy…"

"**Kankurou! Save meeee!"** She ran out from the bathroom and immediately jumped on him and squeezed him so tight his head exploded into a pile of red ooze and formed a mushy pink pile of ice cream that attached itself to Ino and began to suck her blood like a leech and lay eggs in her stomach along with several hot dogs, but not really.

"Wh-what?" Kankurou asked, feeling rather embarrassed at being so close to Ino.

"It's horrible!" She sobbed onto his shoulder. "All my hair ties are gone!" If Kankurou had been standing up, he would have fallen over anime style. But since he wasn't, he merely fell back on to the bed, whacking his head on the backboard in the process.

"Well then go look for them…" Kankurou grumbled.

"But the nasty, toilet-paper, pus filled, shower-fresh scented toilet monster that comes from the bowels of the sewage system once every month to feed upon the magical hair ties of the Yamanaka family ate them!" If Kankurou had not been the gentlemen he is, or thought he was, he would have started to break out into hysterical laughter.

"Let me get this straight, a toilet monster that smells shower-fresh?" Kankurou asked her.

"Yeah, you wouldn't really expect that from something that came out of the toilet…" Ino shrugged.

"May I ask why I should believe that there is currently a toilet monster that smells shower-fresh in the bathroom?"

"Well, go see for yourself." Kankurou sighed and rolled out of bed. Wearily he pushed open the bathroom door and gagged. There was something that vaguely resembled a soggy wad of 'used' toilet paper filled with pus, accompanied by a faint fragrance of 'shower-freshness', chewing hungrily upon several of Ino's hair ties.

Kankurou quickly shut the door and locked it, his breathing coming in ragged gasps.

"What is that thing?"

"I told you! It's the nasty, toilet-paper, pus filled, shower-fresh scented toilet monster that comes from the bowels of the sewage systems that comes once every month to feed upon the magical hair ties of the Yamanaka family! My sworn enemy…" Ino did that whole fist thing where you bring it in front of your face and clench it tightly and breathe deeply. Almost like Lee showing off his youthfulness, but without the flames in the eyes.

Yes. She really is weird that way.

…………………………

Lee wept on Haku's shoulder, while Haku was all like 'stop touching me.'

"**HAKU! IT'S HORRIBLE!"** Lee blew his nose loudly on Haku's shirt, leaving a rather gooey, yellow substance clinging to the front of her shirt.

"Oh, you didn't…" Haku formed an ice needle in her hand and aimed it right at Lee's face.

Right then and there, time rewound itself, leaving Haku's shirt looking like it had just been cleaned with Oxi-Clean, and Lee sniffling sadly, not a single tissue in sight.

"But H-Haku! It's sacrilege!" Lee held up a photo of Gai with little devil horns, a french mustache, and other common vandalism marks, along with the words: "Gai is not youthful, but in his mid-life crisis!" and Kakashi's signature. **"WHO COULD HAVE DONE SUCH A HORRIBLE THING AND LEFT IT ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE?"**

"Uh, Kakashi did it." Haku pointed to Kakashi's signature.

"**NEVER! GAI-SENSEI'S ETERNAL RIVAL WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A DREADFUL THING!"**

"Whatever…" Haku rolled her eyes.

…………………………

A high-pitched, girly shriek, along with several explosions rang through cabin five as Shino and Kin ran at light speed around the house.

"**WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE THERE EXPLOSIVE TAGS COVERING EVERY INCH OF THIS HOUSE?"** Kin screamed, diving under a table as another tag exploded to her left.

"In Buddha's name, you mean." Onish said.

"**MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU CREEPY SPLIT PERSONALITY, RELIGION CONFUSED BUG BOY!"** Kin shouted in his ear.

"Hey, I'm right here you know." Onish tilted his sunglasses down, revealing a pair of crystal-clear, icy blue, eyes. "So please don't shout." He said in a much more commanding voice. Kin gulped nervously. Something about his eyes made her want to shut up.

…………………………

"I! Can't! Breathe!" Nina rolled onto the floor beside Sasuke, her chest moving up and down, yet no air seemed to enter. Sasuke had passed out already, his head lolling limply to the floor.

Nina coughed twice, but on the third, she couldn't cough at all. Her lungs had been drained of all oxygen whatsoever. Her eyelids finally shut, despite all her efforts, and her head fell to the floor with a soft thump.

…………………………

Sakura yawned and sat up, rolling back the covers and scratching her head. She glanced at the clock, and noted that it was 8 AM. Blinking several times, Sakura almost went back to sleep, when she noticed a certain someone sleeping next to her. She almost screamed, called 911, reported a strange red-head person had gotten into her bed and fell asleep like the hobo he probably was, and passed out. But then she realized that it was just Gaara sleeping next to her.

Sakura froze. Beads of sweat beaded on her forehead and trickled down the side of her face as she took another look at Gaara. Yup, there was no doubting it. He was indeed, asleep. Now, if Gaara was a normal everyday person, then him being asleep would be no big deal. But no, sleeping for Gaara is a very **bad** thing.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Gaara stepped out, wearing a pair of long black shorts and drying his hair with a large white towel.

"B-but you…!" Sakura stared at the person who was in the bed with her. That was Gaara as well. "Y-you! Yo-you're asleep! Right th-there!" She started pointing at the Gaara clone in the bed. The bed she was in.

"Haven't we gone over this?" Gaara threw his towel to the ground, shaking tiny droplets of water from his hair. "I don't sleep." Sakura stared in horror as the Gaara clone in the bed got up and grinned. Not a nice grin, but a smile that stretched from ear to ear, splitting his face in half, revealing rows of granite-like teeth that were sharper than even the deadliest kunai. The skin of whatever it was hardened and became just as grey and stone-like as its teeth. It now resembled a gargoyle, except for the fact that it was leaning in closer to her face.

Sakura was frozen, her eyes wide with panic. Every muscle in her body tensed, but she could not move an inch. The gargoyle reached out a hand and caressed her cheek, rubbing her skin with its rough, rocky exterior.

"I will have you soon enough… but for now…" The thing met her eyes, imprinting its image into her memory forever. The stone that seemed to make up its body crumbled to dust, and was swept away by an imaginary wind, leaving nothing behind.

Now, Gaara, on the other hand, stared at Sakura as she seemingly stared at nothing. He scratched his head as she passed out on the bed, right on the spot.

_Must be some sort of girl thing_. He thought. Gaara shook his head and grabbed his tank top and slipped it on over his head.

…………………………

Chouji and Tayuya were playing with a cute little hamster that had come out of nowhere. Tayuya, momentarily forgetting her annoyance of being stuck with Chouji, was having a grand time with the little hamster; poking its stomach and watching it scrabble around on the floor. She especially liked how it waddled. When hamsters waddle, it looks hilarious! All their little rolls of fat jiggle around! Okay… that sounded really stupid… But I'm serious! It's so funny when a hamster's fat jiggles all about!

…………………………

Shikamaru was eating garlic and muttering how troublesome life was. Hinata was watching Shikamaru eat the garlic since she had nothing better to do with her life.

You might be asking why, why is Shikamaru eating garlic? Well, I'll tell you the sad, sad tale of Shikamaru with his garlic: Dora the Explore had walked out of the TV that was conveniently located in their room, and started to sing about life. It was a depressing song about how crappy her life was. That mean, old fox always after her worthless stuff and throwing it into trees or something, where she then had to use her most amazing skills of geometry to tell the difference from said item and a square.

Dora then pulled a knife out from Backpack, after singing that stupid backpack song, and then pulled out the Map. Map began to sing about the three places that always seem to be there, but then stopped singing when Dora brought the knife down, impaling the Map upon the knife blade. It squirmed around and shrieked for awhile on the ground, but then stopped moving altogether when Dora swiftly suffocated it with her hand.

Then she ran to the bathroom, the bloody Map in her hand, and flushed it down the toilet. The Backpack asked what was going on, since he was facing the other way and didn't see what had happened. Dora took Backpack off her back and set it down on the ground. She turned around and filled the bathtub full of hot water. She picked Backpack up, who had started to sing again, and shoved him facedown into the water. He didn't struggle all that much, since he didn't really understand what was happening. After awhile, bubbles stopped coming up, and the splashing stopped.

That's right kids! Our favorite weekday morning television character Dora the Explorer, is actually an insane, psychotic serial killer! How creepy…

Dora then stabbed Backpack's lifeless, Velcro fastened body with the knife she had used to kill Map with. Dora lifted the knife once again, and began to cut a zig-zag pattern across her forearm, you know, getting all emo and stuff!

That's right! Not only is Dora the Explorer an insane psychotic serial killer, but she is also a cutter who indulges in masochism! Yet again, I must say: How creepy…

And all this time, Shikamaru and Hinata were just watching. Not really doing anything at all.

How does any of that relate to why Shikamaru is eating garlic? It doesn't.

…………………………

Ayame and Naruto were huddled in a corner, trying desperately to avoid the lava that was coming out of their kitchen sink.

"**WHAT THE FUCK?"** Naruto screamed as the tip of his shoe melted in the flow of lava. **"WHY THE FUCKING HELL IS THERE LAVA COMING OUT OF THE SINK?"**

"**I DON'T KNOW!"** Ayame screamed in his ear. **"THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS STUPID! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M STUPID! YOUR JOUNIN SENSEIS ARE, WHACKED, CRAZY PSYCHOS WHO SHOULD BE SENT TO THE INSANE ASYLUM! AND THEY'RE STUPID TOO!"**

"Now now, Ayame," Naruto shushed her. "Even if there is lava pouring out of the sink and edging ever closer to our fragile human bodies that will burn to cinders if they come in contact with said lava, leaving not a single cell of our bodies' intact, think about the bright side of life. At least we have each other." Naruto said with a mushy voice.

Ayame pulled at her hair and screamed. With no warning, Ayame jumped on Naruto, trying to rend his eyes out with her fingernails. Not only did she try to rend his eyes out, but she kicked him in the crotch, just for good measure.

Well come on, if you're about to be caught in a river of lava, who wants to hear that they at least have each other. It's not very comforting to know that at least you'll die alongside some other idiot.

…………………………

Kakashi scratched his head and groped around for his mask on the bedside table. After slipping it on under the covers, he sat up in his pajamas, which consisted of a pair of boxers and a pair of long black shorts that went down to about his knees.

He looked in the mirror and sighed. Maybe he had overdone it with the little black button that came with Sadist's Weekly Magazine. He shook his head and mumbled to himself.

"Nah, they'll be fine."

…………………………

Hello everyone! My CMT's are over and I can finally write in peace once more! WHOOT! Oh, well, I have a few more projects to work on, but other than that, I am not that busy. I am super sorry for not having been able to update, but my life has been nothing but chaos lately.

Anywho, I hope to have Snake Lords updated by Wednesday or so, if not later. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter


	11. The Almost Movie, and the Almost Lunch

**Right Out of a Hat**

_When Tsunade gets drunk, she decides that our favorite ninjas should finally get a lovelife. Will these awkward pairings ever get off the ground? Or will they change unexpectedly?_

_Thinking_

"**Yelling"**

**Alrighty then! One last thing. In this story, Haku is a GIRL! G-I-R-L! For the sake of this story's plotline, "SHE" is a GIRL! Good, now that we have that settled...**

On with the story!

**Chpt 11: The Almost Movie, and the Almost Lunch.**

…………………………

Kakashi scratched his head and groped around for his mask on the bedside table. After slipping it on under the covers, he sat up in his pajamas, which consisted of a pair of boxers and a pair of long black shorts that went down to about his knees.

He looked in the mirror and sighed. Maybe he had overdone it with the little black button that came with Sadist's Weekly Magazine. He shook his head and mumbled to himself.

"Nah, they'll be fine."

…………………………

"Good morning everyone!" Kakashi waved to his fellow Jounins who were currently enjoying the hotel's grand (and might I add, "humungo") swimming pool.

"It's almost noon, Kakashi. It's a little late to be saying 'good morning'." Kurenai continued to scold Kakashi for being so late, but not a word got through to him.

In the middle of Kurenai's rant, Kakashi had only realized that she was talking to him in the first place. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Just forget it!" Kurenai dunked her head under the water and ignored Kakashi's stupidity. Then again, she could have ignored him just the same if she was above the water, but since she's in a pool, why not go underwater? I mean, it just makes sense that way. Actually, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Moving on!

"So, shall we go meet our students?" Asuma asked, moving the tanning mirror from his face, his now tan skin contrasting with the white of the cigarette that hung from the corner of his mouth.

"Sure." Kakashi shrugged. "What do we do with them?" Nobody answered because they honestly hadn't thought that far ahead. Planning wasn't exactly their strong point. Then, Kurenai finally decided to come back from under the water.

"I've got a notebook with ideas of all sorts of things we could do!" Kurenai pulled out a sopping-wet notebook from her pocket. Yes, her bathing suit has pockets. "Let's see…" She opened the notebook, only to find that the pages had disintegrated. That's right, no matter how hard it is to believe, _water and paper don't mix!_ Shocking…

"Brilliant…" Kakashi rolled his eyes in obvious sarcasm.

"Oh shut up will you? Why don't we just take them to a movie, and then we can go have lunch somewhere?" Kurenai chucked her soggy, worthless notebook at Gai because he was doing the Macarena to no music.

"I dunno…" Kakashi scratched his chin. "That seems kind of clichéd…"

"And just how is it clichéd?" Kurenai asked.

"Milkshake. Shaken, not stirred…" Asuma decided to randomly throw in. "Now that, was clichéd."

"How was that clichéd? Clichéd means to be overused or stale. We weren't even talking about milkshakes in the first place! That just makes your statement random!" Kurenai argued.

"Well, let's just look it up in the dictionary!" Asuma pulled out his pocket sized Webster's dictionary. He flipped through several pages, and scrolled down the rows until he found it. "Here it is! It says: Clichéd; Having become stale or commonplace through overuse; hackneyed."

"Hah! I'm right!" Kurenai said smugly. Asuma pouted and turned around huffily, acting like a little child who didn't get what they wanted.

"**HEEYYYY! MACARENA!"** Gai screamed. Wouldn't you believe it? Gai was still doing the Macarena to no music. Everyone grabbed what was closet to them, and prepared to throw it at Gai. Asuma grabbed his tanning mirror, Kurenai grabbed a Styrofoam pool noodle, and Kakashi took out his Icha Icha Paridise: Super Perverted Version, Book 4.

All at once, they threw the items at Gai's bobbed head. That is, except for Kakashi. Kakashi realized that he couldn't throw his prized book into the pool! It would have gotten all soggy like Kurenai's notebook… So instead of throwing his book, he grabbed Kurenai and threw her! So shocked was Kurenai, that she let out a loud shriek, flailing about wildly, and landed on top of Gai with a dull thud, the two of them disappearing under the water.

"Awesome shot!" Asuma leapt up from his chair and exchanged high fives with Kakashi. Their heads turned as the water bubbled angrily. Like a seriously ticked sea-monster, Kurenai rose from the depths, coughing up water and glaring angrily. Asuma turned to Kakashi, his hands on his hips. "I mean, Kakashi! How could you?"

"Say, where's Gai?" Kakashi asked the still fuming Kurenai, seeing as Gai hadn't yet surfaced. Kurenai spat out one last mouthful of pool water, and looked Kakashi in the eyes.

"He's swimming with the fishes…" Kakashi and Asuma inhaled sharply, their lips twitching.

"You mean… he's dead?" Asuma asked, his eyes filling up with tears. At least I think they were tears… They were either tears, or hopefulness. I wouldn't rule out the latter…

"No stupid!" Kurenai laughed. "I mean he discovered secret passageway at the bottom of the pool, and found that it led to an underground cavern where fishes had evolved to live out of water in little houses like mushrooms."

"Like Smurf houses?" Kakashi pondered.

"Exactly."

"Well! That's a relief! I thought he drowned!" Asuma laughed. Everyone else joined in too, but we know that deep down, they all wished that Gai really had drowned. Ah well, we can always dream…

So then, the merry Jounin (excluding Gai) left the pool and pranced merrily outside to go and find their students. As for Gai: he's still swimming with the fishes.

…………………………

By the time the Jounin got to the cabins, all was quiet, too quiet… Sneakily, they walked up to cabin 1 and knocked on the door.

"Kiba! Ten-ten! You guys alright?" Kakashi called out. Kurenai shook her head and placed her hand on her forehead in a wearied way.

"Don't tell me you killed them Kakashi…" Kakashi giggled.

"Not them! No, they're fine. Although I'm not too sure about Shino and Kin…" Kakashi scratched his chin. "Maybe they didn't make it…" Kurenai turned sheet white, and passed out.

"Geez Kakashi, way to go!" Asuma muttered. "Your name should be Mr. Tactless!"

"Yes?" Ten-ten's face poked out from the door, the small head of a kitten appearing at her feet. "Oh hi, Kakashi-sensei, Asuma-sensei!" She said cheerfully. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know where this kitten came from, do either of you?" Kakashi coughed slightly into his jacket.

"I have no idea, Ten-ten." He said suspiciously, his eyes shifting back and forth.

"You are a terrible liar…" Ten-ten glared at Kakashi.

"Say, where's Kiba?" Asuma peeked in the door. Ten-ten's eyebrows rose, then fell.

"Oh…" She nervously rubbed the back of her head. "He's been acting really spazy lately, you know, about the cat. I had to tie him to the bed in the bedroom."

"You tied him to the bed?" Asuma asked.

"Yeah…"

"Oh…" Kakashi snickered, and Asuma looked at him sternly. "You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, you thought perverted pervert. Although I can't really do anything to stop you from thinking such thoughts you can think."

'That's a lot of 'thinks'." Ten-ten commented.

"Oh the things we can think, thought, and have thunk." Kakashi said in a Dr. Suess kind of rhyme.

"I always hated Dr. Suess…" Asuma grumbled. Ten-ten gasped! Kakashi gasped! The sherpas who were lost in the Mojave desert gasped! Of course, why the sherpas were in the Mojave desert in the first place is another story, for another time.

"**SCOURGE OF THE UNDERWORLD! CATS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!"** Kiba leapt out into the hallway wearing a shabby, makeshift suit of armor assembled from pots and pans.

"**Kiba! Would you stop that?"** Ten-ten yelled at him. "Wait a second, how did you get loose?"

"Akamaru chewed the ropes off. Another plus for dogs…" Kiba tottered towards them, wielding a wooden spoon in his left hand. **"DIE!"** Kiba got within several feet of them, but stopped abruptly. He turned down to see that there was still a rope tied around his leg.

"I see Akamaru didn't get all the ropes." Ten-ten stood there and watched as Kiba feebly waved his spoon at them, trying to get within poking distance. Of course, he failed.

"And Kurenai deals with you how?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, at the beginning of the day, she gives me candy…" Kiba's mouth watered. "I love those Happy Pills…"

"Happy Pills? You mean she drugs you?"

"Uh huh…" Kiba continued to try and swipe at the cat.

"Would you two come on out so we can go and see a movie and then go to lunch?" Asuma asked.

"With pleasure." Ten-ten set the cat down and walked over to Kiba.

"**MY ARCH-NEMISIS! CAT-WOMAN!"** Ten-ten glared at him.

"Oh shut up…" She pulled a kunai out of nowhere, and threw it down at the rope. It snapped, and Kiba went flying out the door.

They all merrily went about and collected the rest of their students, for lack of better wording. Kankurou and Ino were alright by the looks of it, and they had a faint aroma of shower freshness. Lee was crying on Haku's shoulder while clutching a vandalized photo of Gai. Shino and Kin's clothes were covered in dust and scraps of rubble. Shino stood there silently (because he is just so cool that way) and Kin rocked back and forth holding her knees, saying over and over: "The eyes… those icy, blue eyes…" Both Nina and Sasuke were out cold on the ground. Sakura was looking awfully freaked out while Gaara stared at her curiously, bewildered by her strange behavior. Chouji and Tayuya were still having a grand old time playing with their little hamster. (They had even named him Mr. Jiggles!) Shikamaru and Hinata reeked of garlic. Naruto and Ayame's clothes were ragged and burnt, having been badly singed by the lava flow, the former sporting two black eyes.

"Say, aren't we missing a pair?" Kurenai asked, who had recently decided to join the living.

"Oh yeah!" Asuma snapped his fingers. "That's right! Neji and Temari are CIA."

"Uh, don't you mean MIA? _M_issing _I_n _A_ction? Not _C_entral _I_ntelligence _A_gency, right?" Kakashi pointed out.

Asuma whispered behind his hand: "No, I do mean _C_entral_ I_ntelligence _A_gency. You see, I have this feeling that those two are government spies, sent out from that America place to spy on the Malaysian food chain."

"Why?" Kakashi asked, his visible eyebrow turned up in exasperation.

"The hair man!" Asuma waved his arms about his head. "It's all in the hair!"

"Temari's hair is not similar to Neji's in any way." Asuma chuckled at Kakashi's childish statement.

"Of course it is." Asuma smiled secretively, because we all know that Temari's hair is **really **similar to Neji's. Well, I mean, we all know that, right? Wait, are you saying you don't realize the similarities of Temari and Neji's hair? Well, let's hear Asuma's response for all you dense people who don't realize that Neji and Temari's hair are pretty much the same.

"They both have it tied up with a ponytail! Duh! Well, in Temari's case, several." Kakashi slapped his face and shook his head, letting out a small sigh. "You see, they can't fool me! With their hair put up like that, it's **so** obvious…"

"You sure do have an overactive imagination, Asuma…" Kakashi muttered from behind his hand.

"What do you mean?"

"Let me see, Iruka wears a ponytail…" Kakashi began to count on his fingers

"He works for the CIA." Asuma responded.

"Haku wears one…"

"She was reported KIA, so she no longer belongs to the CIA organization. Although now that she's back, she might be re-commissioned…" _(A.N: Note how I said **'she'**.)_

"Many of the Hyuuga household, including Neji and Hinata, wear their hair tied back…"

"Their background checks seemed clear, but I'm still suspicious about that lot."

"Itachi…"

"CIA hitman."

"Kabuto…"

"CIA informative agent."

"There's Kidomaru, currently deceased, and Kimimaro, also deceased."

"Both used as lab subjects in the CIA's secret base. Hence their weird mutations and jutsu."

"Oh come on! Kin wears one!"

"Nah, she just works at Big Y."

"You honestly think Kin works at Big Y?"

"Yes." Kakashi fell over anime style, his legs twitching in the air.

"**People with ponytails do not work for the CIA! Or at Big Y!"** Kakashi yelled at Asuma.

"Yes they do."

"**THEY DO NOT!"** Kakashi's face was tomato red.

"Oh? Prove it then." Asuma dared.

"Alright, here's three pieces of evidence for you. Hokage-sama wears two ponytails, Shikamaru wears a ponytail, and Ino wears one as well."

"Oh…" Asuma whacked his head against a wall that appeared out of nowhere. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Well, it's not too hard when it's you…" Kakashi was interrupted before he could finish.

"**How couldn't I have seen through their guises?"** Asuma cried out. **"My own two students, and even Tsunade-sama, are agents of the CIA! THEY'RE OUT TO DESTROY MALASIA!"** Asuma fell to his knees and clenched his fists dramatically as the camera angle rose up to a birds eye view. **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** He yelled Darth Vader style as lightning flashed and rain began to fall. Kakashi pulled out his umbrella from his seemingly bottomless pouch and stared up at the sky.

"Hmm. Must be flash flood season." The rain then stopped, and the sun came out, all pretty-like.

Meanwhile…

"**THE CHAMPEENS OF THIS YEARS KENTUCKY DERBY! **What were yer names again?"

"Wha…?" Neji and Temari were not only dumbstruck, but out of breath as well. Racing in the Kentucky Derby without a horse is very tiring you know.

"Oh nevermind…" The announcer turned back to the crowd. **"THE CHAMPEENS ARE BUTCH AND NANCY! **Congratulations you two!**" **The announcer turned around, shook their hands vigorously, shoved a giant trophy into their arms, and pushed them out the backdoor because he really didn't feel like talking with them any longer.

Neji looked down at the engraving of the trophy. "The winners of the Kentucky Derby: Butch and Nancy."

"Since when has your name been Butch? And since when have I been known as Nancy?" Temari scratched her head. "And just how are we going to get back to the resort?"

"Why are you asking me?" Neji knitted his brows.

"Thank heavens you have come chosen one!" The Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz stepped out from her pink bubble and walked up to them. "Oh Keyblade master! Won't you please seal the Kentucky Keyhole and destroy the Heartless? They are quite intimidating."

Neji and Temari were all like: **WTF?**

"**I'M THE KEYBLADE MASTER! NOT HIM!"** Sora from Kingdom Hearts came over with Donald and Goofy. "Tell me, Good Witch, have you seen my friend Kairi?"

"Will you seal the Kentucky Keyhole, Keyblade master?" The Good Witch continued.

"**I asked if you had seen my friend Kairi, you pink buzzard!"** Sora yelled, whipping out his Keyblade.

"Well no…" The Good Witch admitted.

"**THEN YOU MUST DIE!"** Sora ran the Good Witch through with his Keyblade, twisted the Keyblade by 90 degrees, and pulled it back out, dragging out her entrails all over the ground. The Good Witch's mouth dropped open, blood gushing out by the buckets all over the ground.

Neji and Temari were still all like: **WTF?**

The Good Witch's body was then taken over by the forces of Heartless, and Sora went off to go seal the Keyhole, like usual. However, Darkside flew down to Kentucky and opened the door, destroying the core of Kentucky. A portal opened in the sky, and both Neji and Temari were sucked in. Next thing they knew, the rest of the Naruto Gang was peering down at them.

"Where have you guys been?" Kakashi asked, faking stupidity.

"In some sort of crazy paradox of the Kentucky Derby, Kingdom Hearts, the first game, and the Wizard of Oz." Neji said, holding up their trophy they had won. "And my name is apparently Butch, and she's Nancy."

"Who are you calling Nancy?" Temari asked, her hands on her hips. "Why don't you stop calling me Nancy, **_Butch_**?"

"Guys, I have good news and bad news." Kurenai said, putting away her cell phone. "The bad news, is that the movie theater's sold out until the next showing this afternoon. The good news is…"

"**You saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico."** They all finished for her.

"Um, no." Kurenai frowned. "The good news, is that Gai has slain the nasty, toilet-paper, pus filled, shower-fresh scented toilet monster that comes from the bowels of the sewage systems that comes once every month to feed upon the magical hair ties of the Yamanaka family, Ino's sworn enemy, and now smells shower-fresh!"

Everyone cheered halfheartedly.

"Gai has also reserved us a place at a restaurant for lunch."

"Oh, and a friend of mine is coming to lunch with us!" Kakashi added in. "Her name is Kristy!" His eye turned up in a little black arc. "She's really nice!"

"What restaurant is it?" Naruto asked.

"Friendlys."

This time, everyone cheered enthusiastically. You can't beat Friendlys! So everyone went off to Friendlys. But since I am running out of ideas, you'll just have to wait until next chapter.

…………………………

No, I'm not dead.

I know, I haven't updated in a really long time, and I'm sorry. But I've had a lot of family problems. I've said this on my other story, Snake Lords, so if you don't read that, then you probably don't know. Here's what happened to me: My Grandparent's house went up in flames, my Grandma broke both of her legs, my Grandpa is suffering from some 3rd degree burns and esophagus/lung damage, and my Aunt and cousins are now living at my house for the next 6 months.

Luckily, my Grandpa is doing better now, and my Grandma's surgery was successful (however, she's going to be in rehab for a long time.) That's right. I am now living with my cousins for the next 6 months. **Repeat: 6 freaking months!** So yes, as you can guess, I haven't exactly had the free time to write. I'm trying my best to update both Snake Lords and Right Out of a Hat as best I can. Please do not be upset if there is anther long break in my updates. Till then!


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